Grow as Wife Archives – Page 8 of 9 – Jess Connell

There are some things I can’t say without first referring you to this passage (Ephesians 5:17-33). Please read it in its entirety:

Do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. …be filled with the Spirit, …giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

You noticed, I’m sure, the bolded parts. Go back and look at them. It’s the crux of the matter.

Those who despise words like “submission” and “complementarianism” would have you believe otherwise, but the whole point of marriage is found there in Ephesians 5:32:

“This mystery is profound… it refers to Christ and the church.“

Do you remember how the Jewish tabernacle was an earthly representation of a heavenly reality?

Similarly, Paul is telling us that marriage between a Christian man and woman is an earthly representation of something bigger. He calls it a “profound” mystery. Each couple, whether they know it or not, are representing a picture of Christ and the church.

Consider the way Christ gave Himself up for the church… sacrificing for us, giving His life for us, profoundly providing for our needs, nurturing our growth, always seeking our good.

Jesus was the ultimate archetype for what men are to be like:

Passionate
Pursuing
Actively sacrificial
In tune with the Father
Fiercely committed, even to the point of death, to providing for the physical, and (even more importantly) the spiritual needs of His Bride
Committed to the purity and nurturing of His Bride
In tune with her needs (perhaps even more than she is)
Caring for her as His own Body (I love the language: “cherish” and “nourish”)

Take note: this isn’t about who mows the lawn, who writes the checks/pays the bills, or what sort of skills or hobbies we possess. These character-driven roles are clearly gender-defined for the Christian marriage. But it doesn’t stop there. If it did, we’d all be complementarians.

Notice Ephesians 5, verse 24:

“…as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

Whoa.

And THAT’s the sticking point, right there. I can hear already the objections:

“Me? Submit to HIM? In EVERYTHING?”
“But what about abuse?”
“But look- just above that, it says ‘submit to one another’!”
“So women are to be mindless doormats, then, is that it?”
“This isn’t the 50’s anymore, and I’m no June Cleaver!.”
“So, what, you think men are better than women?”
“What did Jesus ever say about gender roles?”

Etc.

And (quickly) the answers to those are:

[“Me? Submit to HIM? In EVERYTHING?”] Yes, if you are married, you are to submit to him in everything, as long as he’s not leading you into sin.
[“But what about abuse?”] Re-read this from the passage above. (“…husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,”) A man who is physically abusive toward his wife is NOT – remotely – living out this verse. Additionally, the law of the land protects women in this situation. If you are being abused, get to a place of safety, submit yourself to the laws that exist to protect you, and seek biblical counseling.
[“But look- just above that, it says ‘submit to one another’!”] Yes, it does say that, about the church at large– telling us how we are to love one another. And then it goes on to give more specific instructions for a more specific relationship: the one between husbands and wives (‘wives, submit to your own husbands”).
[“So women are to be mindless doormats, then, is that it?”] Absolutely not. Exhibit A: I’m a blogger with skads of opinions. We have to take the whole counsel of the Word of God, and Proverbs 31 (along with other places) say things like, “wisdom is on her tongue.” We aren’t mindless, voiceless morons. We wouldn’t be “helping” or “complementing” our husbands if we withheld our wisdom and strength rather than contributing and combining it with theirs. Submission is actually a sign of controlled strength rather than of mindless weakness.
[“This isn’t the 50’s anymore, and I’m no June Cleaver!.”] Great! Me either.
[“So, what, you think men are better than women?”] I definitely don’t think men are better than women. I think men are uniquely designed by God to be intrinsically different from women. And vice-versa. And I think we’re all a bunch of rotten sinners and need Jesus so desperately.
[What did Jesus ever say about gender roles?”] What Jesus said about gender roles in marriage is explicit. Everything Jesus said and did instructs husbands in their roles about how to better love and sacrifice for their brides. The whole point of marriage, from the beginning, is to point to Christ. And thus, His whole life instructs. The way we live out our roles gives mysterious vibrancy and color here on earth to something that is perfectly seen in Heaven.

HEADSHIP, LEADERSHIP, AUTHORITY

As a husband gives himself up for his bride, working to know her, love her, lead her, and serve her better as the years go on, he is pointing to Christ and the church. His self-sacrificing leadership, strength under control, and desire to nurture the one who is physically weaker and more dependent demonstrates a selflessness that is not of the flesh but of the Spirit.

As a wife yields to her husband, working as his unique helpmeet, using her strength to complement his, submitting to him willingly out of love, she points to the same picture: Christ and the church.

This is not about men being better or smarter than women. In fact, that’s clarified by another passage:

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3)

So headship in the BIble is not only compared to Christ and the church, but to God the Father and Christ.

Do you see that? Headship, authority… these things are not wicked, evil things. These are things that come into play in the relationship between the Father and the Son.

In fact, when we look further into Scripture, into the way that God describes authority and expects it to be carried out, we find this:

When Jesus and His disciples are talking about authority (Matthew 20, Mark 10), Jesus challenges them this way:

Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

This is the same principle laid out in the Ephesians 5 passage. The one who leads must be the one who serves. The one who has authority is the one who gives his life. The one who is the head is the one who nourishes and cares for the one following him. This is the Christ model.

Our culture has a knee-jerk reaction to these issues of submission and headship, but these texts make it clear: God doesn’t see authority and headship like we do.

SUBMISSION

Submission is such a tricky thing to discuss in our rights-focused, me-centered culture. The air we breathe is self-centered and inherently resistant to this idea of submission. In one sense (like Ephesians 5:21 commands), we are all to do this for (submit to) one another. Following Christ means giving up our lives for others.

But in an even deeper sense– Paul calls it a “mystery”– marriage is an even RICHER picture of this. Marriage provides an even more CLEAR picture of Christ and the church.

And in this relationship, women are the ones specifically instructed to submit.

It’s important to note that the verse is very clear: “women, submit to your own husbands.” This isn’t a men-at-large v. women-at-large thing. This is talking about one-on-one, not all women v. all men.

So, here’s a quick word to the unmarried: “Women, don’t get married to a man you can’t/won’t submit to, when the rubber meets the road.” Because submission isn’t really submission until there’s a disagreement/difference of opinion. When you are looking at a man, consider: is this a man I can, with the Lord’s help, submit myself to in those moments when we disagree?

SO THEN, WHAT DO WE DO?

To use the action words directly from the text, MEN, like Christ, are to:

love
give himself for his wife
sanctify her with the Word
present her to himself pure
love his wife as his own body
nourish
cherish
leave his father and mother
hold fast to his wife
become one flesh with her
love his wife as himself

To use action words directly from the text, WOMEN, like the church, are to:

submit to her own husband
submit in everything to her husband
see that she respects her husband

Culture warriors hate this text, and essentially call for gender neutrality (waving texts like “in Christ, there is neither male nor female” as evidence). But it is so very clear, when you simply read the text and see it for what it is. This is Paul’s very clear, very practical instruction to believers on the whole point of marriage. Our culture hates passages like these because our culture has an authority problem. We are obsessed with ideas like rights and boundaries. Our own feelings trump anyone else’s, always.

Please note: this is even true in our *Christian* culture. Rachel Held Evans, for example, trumpets all sorts of confusion into her proverbial microphone, and those who are listening are growing more and more confused, and less and less biblically grounded. Increasingly, even our Christian culture has an authority problem. Even our Christian culture is obsessed with “rights.” Even our Christian culture is obsessed with feelings.

But then, in comes Christ, upsetting the apple cart.

The head becomes the servant.

The utterly-imperfect church becomes the prized, cherished, nourished Bride.

Authority is still there. It can’t *NOT* be there. But it is an authority that seeks to bless those under its care. The One Who leads SACRIFICES for the one He leads. And those who submit do so willingly, not as slaves, but as strong and free individuals, who COULD revolt and demand their own way, but DON’T.

Folks, this is the Gospel.

This is why complementarianism goes hand-in-hand WITH the Gospel.

This is the God-honoring beauty of a Christian marriage.

Subscribe to my newsletter, and I’ll send you my FREE sanity-saving printable: 30 QUICK FIXES for GETTING THROUGH THE TOUGH DAYS.

30 practical ideas for the hardest days of motherhood
Get this list you can refer to when you’re sick or out of ideas

SIGN UP NOW & I’ll send it your way:

Moms, on today– Mother’s Day– let’s purpose to be thankful for whatever we are given, however small.

Frankly, any holiday can set us up to have unrealistic expectations. Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries… younger women are now even told to expect a “push present” for having birthed a baby. Again and again, we women are primed by our culture to expect huge things.

The people around us are bound to crumble, repeatedly, under the weight of such monumental expectations.

No one can live up to them.

Instead, let reality be your expectation.

Turn off Facebook and Instagram if need be, but do not let this day be ruined by jealousy, bitterness & ingratitude. We can choose to be thankful for what we have (which necessarily implies that there are things we *don’t* have, that we must choose not to dwell on or allow to embitter us). Perfect holidays are the stuff of movies & greeting cards. Most of us live w/ imperfect people, imperfectly celebrating.

Let’s be grateful, right here in the imperfect.

Subscribe to my newsletter, and I’ll send you my FREE sanity-saving printable: 30 QUICK FIXES for GETTING THROUGH THE TOUGH DAYS.

30 practical ideas for the hardest days of motherhood
Get this list you can refer to when you’re sick or out of ideas

SIGN UP NOW & I’ll send it your way:

In King David’s day, it went like this:

“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.” ~Psalm 20:7

What are our modern American “chariots?” What do we trust in? I have some ideas. Scan them and see if any of them strike a nerve for you, and then add your own in the comments.

FINANCIALLY:

Some trust in bank balances and some in 401(k)s…
Some trust in two incomes and some in having the right degree…
Some trust in their husband and some in themselves…
Some trust in a the housing market, and some in the economy…

FOR PARENTING OUR CHILDREN:

Some trust in public school, some in Christian private school, and some in homeschooling…
Some trust in Babywise, and some in Attachment parenting…
Some trust in spanking, and some in time-outs…
Some trust in unschooling and some in hyperscheduled kids…
Some trust in academics and some in extracurriculars…
Some trust in vaccines and some in a lack of vaccines…

FOR HOMESCHOOL MOMS:

Some trust in Sonlight and some in Abeka…
Some trust in co-ops and some in isolation…
Some trust in sheltering and some in wide exposure…
Some trust in smart children and some in obedient children…

FOR WIVES:

Some trust in a strong husband and some in a strong paycheck…
Some trust in personal appearance and some in sexual intimacy…
Some trust in manipulation and some trust in their children…

FOR OUR HAPPINESS:

Some trust in OCD cleaning and some in Better Homes & Gardens rooms…
Some trust in frugality and some in “retail therapy”…
Some trust in gifts and some in “me-time”…

Want to write some more that you see around you? Please share in the comments.

Let me challenge you- don’t just attack the things that are “over there” in HER home. Look at your own heart too.

What are you tempted to place your trust in?

Can you think of something specific (other than God) that you’ve recently been tempted to trust in?

Instead, counsel your heart: “but we trust in the name of the LORD, our God.“

Image courtesy of: Stoonn/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Subscribe to my newsletter, and I’ll send you my FREE sanity-saving printable: 30 QUICK FIXES for GETTING THROUGH THE TOUGH DAYS.

30 practical ideas for the hardest days of motherhood
Get this list you can refer to when you’re sick or out of ideas

SIGN UP NOW & I’ll send it your way:

Have you heard the message? Every Valentine’s Day, our culture screams that romance is:

teddy bears
chocolates
a pink-and-red-and-white card
flowers
a date night written on a particular calendar square

Not that there’s anything wrong with any of these, but it does make me wonder.

How many women and men are being held hostage to a standard of “romance” that doesn’t even, really, matter?
How many husbands are guilted into buying things their wife may not even want?
How many wives feel unloved if their husband doesn’t do “x”, despite the fact that he’s a good man who shows love in other ways, 364 other days of the year?

For my part, I would think my husband had lost his mind if he brought me a stuffed animal. Or I would think that *he* thought I’d lost mine. I don’t like chocolate. Honestly, I would never just sit and eat a piece of chocolate. Never. (I hear you gasping, but it’s true. I’ll eat a Reese’s PB cup but it’s really for the PB.) I don’t need a card, flowers, or a date night (although I’m thankful if/when I receive those).

But do you know what’s romantic to me? My husband doing things like:

a year or two ago, programming into my phone to ding @ 9:45 each morning and remind me, “You’re my girl.”
rubbing my feet with body butter occasionally while we watch a movie.
telling me, “Go!” when I have a rare opportunity to get a few hours of solitude for journaling and writing.
even when he works the early morning shift (leaving by 4:45 am), he doesn’t leave the house without kissing me

And here’s the other thing I want to share with you:

If my husband didn’t do those things, those things wouldn’t be what’s “romantic” to me. Because “romantic” (to me) means, the things HE does. So if he didn’t do those, but did other things instead, THAT would define romance for me. I don’t want to treasure the actions of others.

I don’t want to prize what other women’s (real or imaginary) husbands do for them.

One friend’s husband buys tickets to send her on a trip to visit a special place or friend.
Another’s takes her shopping and buys something she’ll love
Another does nothing fancy on “big” days, but gives smiles and kindness throughout the year
Another’s husband does anything his wife gives him to do on his “honey-do” list
Someone else gets taken for a fancy dinner
Another’s buys her a new car, or the van she’s been eyeing all year
Maybe someone’s husband intuitively knows just the right thing to get & gets it for her (rare, but some actually do).

But those are what *their* husband has done for them.

Romance isn’t “what other women’s husbands do for them.”

Romance isn’t “what I wish my husband would do.” (Although sometimes, especially in the early years, or if we’ve never communicated those things, it’s OK to talk about those things and let him know what would mean a lot to you.)

Romance isn’t what the TV, magazine, Pinterest, Target aisle, jewelry commercial, or advertisement says he should do for me.

Romance is not universal among women.

And romance is something quite different from forced purchases or activities on a particular day. Now, I don’t want to sound like a grumpy grumperton. I like what Paul David Tripp said about Valentine’s Day: “Husbands and wives, I’m all for romantic acts and sexual intimacy on Valentine’s Day, but these things are the fruit of a healthy marriage, not the foundation.”

Romance is what my husband does for me, or what your husband does for you, however big or however small, that lets you know he really does love you. It’s the overflow of the real relationship, not the foundation or the measure of it.

Romance is unique, not universal.

Have you been evaluating your husband by some outside standard, or comparing him to other people’s husbands? Wives, let’s check our hearts and make sure that we’re defining romance by the right standards– the standard of the one husband that God has given us.

Image courtesy of NutdanaiApikhomboonwaroot/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Subscribe to my newsletter, and I’ll send you my FREE sanity-saving printable: 30 QUICK FIXES for GETTING THROUGH THE TOUGH DAYS.

30 practical ideas for the hardest days of motherhood
Get this list you can refer to when you’re sick or out of ideas

SIGN UP NOW & I’ll send it your way:

Here are 6 of my favorite Bible passages about marriage… each passage challenges me, instructs my heart, and keeps me grounded in the beauty of how and why God made marriage. At the end of each verse, I’ve written a question for wives to consider.

It helps to understand the significance of each if you read the verses out loud.

THE ORIGINAL INTENT OF MARRIAGE– companionship, complementary help, commitment, oneness: “The LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’… Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” ~Genesis 2Am I living out God’s intent in my marriage? Am I a companion and helper to my husband? Am I a one-flesh partner he can cling to? Am I unashamed in my intimacy with him?
WHAT IS LOVE?– a convicting passage that gives an action-oriented definition: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” ~1 Corinthians 13:4-8Am I loving him with this kind of love? Would these adjectives describe my general attitude toward and interactions with my husband? If this is the definition of love, am I truly loving my husband?
ROLES WITHIN MARRIAGE– submission and service, helper and head, love and respect: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor… in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own body. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” ~Ephesians 5: 22-33Do I have a submitted heart? Is the GOSPEL of Jesus’ lavish love for the church and His bride’s loving response to Him the focus and motivation of my heart in this area of submission? As I don’t only want to be loved when I am perfectly lovable, am I excusing disrespectful attitudes as if respect is only to be given to my husband when it’s “deserved”?
WHAT ABOUT THE SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP?– once married, we no longer have sole authority over our bodies: “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” ~1 Corinthians 7:1-40

Am I holding myself back from my husband, retaining authority and “rights,” depriving him from what is rightfully his (even “only” sometimes)? Does my heart attitude, my physical action, or my response to him indicate that I am sexually unreceptive to him?
NATURE OF THE COMMITMENT– a lifetime covenant of God joining two into one: “They are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” ~Matthew 19:8-9

Do I entertain thoughts of or toy with actions of separation? Am I (intentionally or unintentionally) separating what God has joined together?
GROWTH AND COMPANIONSHIP– God refines and strengthens us in marriage: “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him– a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” ~Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Am I convinced of this? Do I treat my husband as the gift that he is to me? Do I value him as a co-laborer, someone who will help me when I fall, stand by me when I am attacked, and keep me warm when I would be cold and lonely? Do I see him for the person he is, and value the role he has in my life? Do I intentionally encourage the three-stranded nature of our covenant before and with God– am I doing my part to help us grow spiritually stronger as a couple?

Subscribe to my newsletter, and I’ll send you my FREE sanity-saving printable: 30 QUICK FIXES for GETTING THROUGH THE TOUGH DAYS.

30 practical ideas for the hardest days of motherhood
Get this list you can refer to when you’re sick or out of ideas

SIGN UP NOW & I’ll send it your way:

Last week, I shared how yelling is connected to my stress level, and many of you identified & shared your own struggles. Today I want to dig deeper.

A common theme, for me and from you in the comments, was that we tell ourselves lies about the yelling that we do. We lie to minimize the significance of what we’re doing and to diminish the amount of guilt we feel.

I think we also lie because of the aim of our hearts. If we were honest about the aim of our hearts in the moment that we yell, we could not continue being so self-righteous and indignant. We could not keep being mad *at THEM*– we would have to be mad *at us.*

Peering below the surface, when we yell, what is really happening inside our hearts? What is it that we are grasping for? What do we want?

(And here’s the thing. I’m going to be honest because I really want to grow here. I am desperate for the grace of God- for His gracious forgiveness, but also for the grace to walk in victory in this area. I don’t have time or inclination to pretty things up for you. I don’t want to live on a pedestal, so I’m going to share the honest truth about my sinful heart. This won’t be some “accountability group” where all we do is navel-gaze and talk about our sin (again and again and again) and never about the grace God gives us to change. I don’t want to roll in the mud or delight in evil, but I will be truthful here, and (hopefully along the way) help others who want to grow in this area, too.)

So. When I yell, this is what I see in my heart:

I want CONTROL. Control of the situation. Control of “their” actions (whoever the “they” is). Control of the way the house looks. Control of the person doing or saying things that hurt or frustrate me. Control of the things that haven’t been done to my liking. Control of the situation that is out of my hands. Control of the chaotic house. Control of the noise. Control.
I want TO LOOK GOOD. I want the house to look good. I want my image protected. I want my parenting to look good. I want my kitchen counter to look good (this is never the case; real life friends will verify). I want other people to get the things done that I think need to be done, regardless of what else they might want or need to do. Because, ultimately, I want things to look good, according to my definition of good.
I want EASE. I want the dishes already done so I don’t have to do them. I want the mess cleaned up by someone else. I want them to stop fighting so I can get back to the person or thing that has my attention. Ultimately, I want it to be easy, and to not have to put in the hard work that would be necessary if I was to actually deal with the situation the way I know it should be dealt with.
I want TO BE RIGHT. I want everyone around me to know just how wrong “x” is, and how right I am in my assessment of it. I want the other party to admit error or defeat. Whether it is a dirty dining room floor (“…that should already be clean; am I the only one who notices these things?”, etc.), an argument between siblings, an argument with my husband, or stewing over a “wrong” opinion, in my heart I see that I want to be proven incontrovertibly RIGHT.
I want it NOW. I want these things to be done immediately. In fact, if I’m honest, I don’t just want it now; “it should already have been done.” The mess shouldn’t have happened. At the very least, it should already be cleaned up so *I* don’t have to do it. I want the child who is grumping and fighting with a sibling to stop, now. I want the kitchen to already be cleaned. I want the stressful thing that interrupted me to stop. it. right. now!

Perhaps some of the things I listed resonated with you?

Perhaps you see other motivations in the depths of your own heart?

The “I wants” of our hearts reveal our idols- the things we bow down to and are willing to give up everything for. Ultimately, what is coming out of my mouth is revealing what is going on inside my heart.

“What comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.” ~Matthew 15:18

With yelling, it is not my volume that is the problem. It is my HEART. When I yell, the words and volume simply give external indication of the wickedness inside me. (TWEET THAT.) Inside, I am self-focused and control-grabbing and error-finding and lazy and tired and critical and furious and finger-pointing and exhausted.

SO WHAT NOW?

You might be sitting there thinking, “OK. But how does this effect me in my everyday life, when the kids are arguing, when the three-year-old just volcanoed the milk jug all over the kitchen, when the dog pooped on the carpet for the third time this WEEK, when I’m hurting and wounded inside and then that “one more thing” happens that drives me over the cliff?”

Sister, listen to me:

It is not your willpower that will ultimately save the day. But in HIM we have strength, and self-control. By His grace and by His Spirit at work in us, we can be freed from the enslaving grip of sin. Even the Apostle Paul– a man who had been blinded and visibly confronted by the risen Christ– struggled with this conundrum:

I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate… so now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. …Wretched man that I am! Who will save me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! ~Romans 7:15-25

The good news is that I am not alone in my sin. It is a problem common to man. And through Christ, God has grace upon grace to lavish upon me. Grace to forgive, and grace to enable me to stop.

So let me share some encouraging things:

“You, You only, know the hearts of the children of mankind.” ~2 Chronicles 6:30
“The eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward Him.” ~2 Chronicles 16:9
“I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” ~Ezekiel 36:26
“The LORD is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression.” ~Numbers 14:18

He KNOWS us. He is watching, waiting to give STRONG SUPPORT to us when we desire blamelessness before Him. He wants to remove the wicked, stubborn heart and give us a soft, malleable, tender heart. Unlike us and our yelling selves, He is slow to anger. Though we are sinful, He LOVES abundantly and forgives!

We have hope in Him! His grace gives me such GREAT hope. It’s the only way I can get out of this quagmire. I can’t do it in my own strength. I can’t muster up enough holiness, even if I worked my whole life on it. I could grit my teeth, but there would be no joy. I would live under the constant strain of wondering if I was doing enough, being enough, performing enough.

Instead, I can cast myself on God and operate in His economy of grace.

Talking about maturity in Christ, Paul writes:

For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me. ~Colossians 1:29

Check out the pronouns in this verse:

*I* toil
with HIS energy
that HE powerfully works
within ME

This is God’s economy. I throw myself on grace… no longer relying on ME and MY willpower. Then– check it out– “I toil.”

What? After grace comes work?

Yes. But I struggle with all HIS energy. He’s the one supplying it- not me. And, at the same time that I’m toiling, HE is powerfully working His energy, IN ME.

Casting myself on Him doesn’t mean I give up and wait for Him to do it all.

His eyes range to and fro over the whole earth. I’m toiling. His Spirit is at work within me. I’m yielding to the Spirit. His supernatural energy supplies what my human willpower cannot do. In this economy of grace, He works His holiness in me, day by day, hour by hour, as I submit myself to Him and trust in HIM to change my heart.

I don’t want to just have a mountaintop camp-like experience. Like Isaiah, I want live in the awareness of God’s holiness and purity and my own need for Him. I want His energy flowing through me, changing me from the inside out.

What do you see in your heart, as motivations for why you yell?
What is God doing in your heart, in this area of yelling?
Will you join me this week, trusting Christ to sanctify and change this part of our hearts, from the inside out? Toiling, with His energy at work in us?

Let’s do it!

Image courtesy of smokedsalmon/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Subscribe to my newsletter, and I’ll send you my FREE sanity-saving printable: 30 QUICK FIXES for GETTING THROUGH THE TOUGH DAYS.

30 practical ideas for the hardest days of motherhood
Get this list you can refer to when you’re sick or out of ideas

SIGN UP NOW & I’ll send it your way:

My blood began boiling over this issue a few years ago, when the (supposedly) “safe for the whole family” Christian radio station in my area began advertising “Mommy Makeovers” throughout the day, every day. The ad went something like this:

“Sick of your post-baby flabby midsection? Ready to treat yourself and your body to some ‘me-time’ now that the kids are back in school? Undo the effects of pregnancy. Call Dr. So-and-so and set up your Mommy Makeover today!”

Torn up by the thought of thousands of women feeling stress and self-loathing over the way their bodies naturally change after having a baby, I wrote a letter, begging them– as a “Christian” radio station– not to put this kind of pressure on women. I implored them to place greater emphasis on the beauty of God’s wholistic design of us as women than on the world’s aims for airbrushed external perfection. I sent it straight to the ad department through a friend who works for the radio, who had the same concerns I did, and (of course) never heard back the ad department.

This week, I saw this ad in our local county magazine:

Let’s take this ad point by point, shall we?

First, the image. Let’s not glaze over it. Thin, blonde, smokey-eyed, perfect hair, fully made-up, with fake lip color, and as far as we can tell, naked. A naked, faked woman. (And– this is the nerd in me coming out– only in English would those two words not rhyme.)
The first message: “Earlobe repair.” Not sure why it’s starred… I’ve never ever heard of this. Maybe it’s an inexpensive way to get women in the door, so they can be introduced to (and feel more comfortable about getting) the more expensive elective surgeries?
“LOVE YOURSELF”. Stop right there. Who among us would say that the way to love our daughter is to tell her she needs to change her physical appearance? Would any of us look at our precious tender young daughters and say, “your body needs to be altered in order to meet a one-size-fits-all standard?” I hope we wouldn’t. The way we use that word “love” matters. Loving ourselves can not mean something different than loving our daughter would mean. It is not loving to hold a woman up to an impossibly perfect standard– not our daughters, and not ourselves.

Look, let’s talk straight. I don’t know what kind of influences you’ve had in your life. I don’t know who’s told you what about the way that you look, but we all have our hang-ups in this area. We all have body image issues. Some more than others. But listen to me, and listen to me good:

Your body does not need to be ALTERED in order to be APPROVED.

Your God-given uniqueness is not comparable to a photoshopped magazine image.

You are BEAUTIFUL, right there in that normal, everyday HUMAN package.

OK, let’s keep going.

Look at the promises the ad is making: “Look and feel more confident and youthful.“

Child of God, you precious creation, the apple of His eye, uniquely formed in God’s image, YOU ARE LOVELY.

Your confidence does not derive from whether or not you have makeup plastered on, or if your breasts are a certain size, or droopy, or big enough, or not so big. Your confidence should not come from whether or not you have some extra fluff in your mid-section after having a baby.

Your confidence should not be based on whether or not you have the natural tiredness in your eyes that comes from having young children, hips that have opened up to allow children to be born through them, or wrinkles beside your eyes that give a lovely hint of all the smiles you’ve smiled in your lifetime.

Your confidence is the unshakeable, unchanging nature of God Who is the same, yesterday, today, and forever.

Is not your fear of God your confidence? (Job 4:6)
The Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught. (Proverbs 3:26)
We worship by the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh. (Philippians 3:3)

You know what I saw, as we lived around the world in multiple cities and continents? EVERY CULTURE, even the skinniest ones, inherently knows that women’s bodies change after having a baby. A mom should not feel an ounce of shame about looking like a mom.

And, more importantly, do you know what the Bible says about your body?

“In the image of God He created them; male and female He created them.” (Genesis 1:27) —> YOU ARE MADE IN THE IMAGE OF GOD!
“Do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on.” (Matthew 6:25) —> GOD CARES FOR YOU, YOU DON’T NEED TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT YOUR BODY.
“Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions.” (Romans 6:12) —> OUR HEARTS SHOULD BE FOCUSED ON INTERNAL HOLINESS MORE THAN EXTERNALS.
“All things are lawful but not all things are helpful. All things are lawful, but I will not be dominated by anything. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.” (1 Corinthians 6:12-13) —> NOTHING SHOULD CONTROL OR DOMINATE YOU. Too many women– yes, Christian women, too– are being controlled and dominated by the idol of the perfect body. This was the case in the days of Paul, with the Roman empire as well– you can see it in their marble sculptures and the central location of the gym and colosseums. The pursuit of a perfect body is no new religion, but it is a religion that is different from one that finds contentment and joy in the Lord. Your body is not meant for sexual immorality, or for self-glory, but for the Lord.
“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. So, glorify God with your body.” Christian woman, let me PLEAD with you. If you have been lured by worldly philosophies that make you think you need to alter your body in order to be acceptable, please realign your thinking.

Let God’s Word be your guide, rather than the wishy-washy, ever-changing rules of man about external beauty. Your body is a place of worship and honor for the Holy Spirit inside of you. It is given to you as a method by which you can GLORIFY GOD!

OK, back to the ad.

It points to “YOUTHFUL”-ness as a desirable trait. Ah, the American idol of youth. And yes, like you, I look back at pictures from high school and college and “can’t believe how skinny”/beautiful/etc. we all were. Of course I see those external facts. But I also know this:

By and large, do you really remember what we were like, as teenagers? (Apologies to any teenagers reading.) I think back and remember lots of zeal and swagger– I remember being passionate about things I knew little to nothing about. I remember skads of anxiety and nerves. I remember the petty cliques and criticisms. I remember feeling that I would never measure up.

Hmmm… kind of like how the ad image above is designed to make us feel.

Here’s what the Bible says about aging, gray hair, and youth:

“Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days.” (Job 12:12)
“The glory of young men is their strength, but the splendor of old men is their gray hair.” (Proverbs 20:29)
“Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.” (Proverbs 16:31)

Youthfulness is an idol in America, and sadly, in the American church too. But the Bible says that with gray hair comes wisdom, and with age comes honor & splendor. Many women would rather be dead than look old, but we need to recognize that this as an unbiblical attitude.

Demis marry Ashtons, and we admiringly call them cougars and watch sitcoms about similar scenarios. Women hide the year of their birthday on Facebook so people won’t know how old they really are. Botox, tight tops from teen shops, jeggings, and “mommy makeovers” give the promise and illusion that we won’t be as old as we really are, when the truth is, these things make us look even more ridiculous. The only thing worse than a 17-year-old in jeggings is a 47-year-old in jeggings.

We’ve all seen the “plastic surgery gone wrong” photos and they make us cringe. But we need to recognize that when we toy with these notions of “mommy makeovers” and making our appearance the main thing, we are contributing to the plastic surgery culture that says that NONE OF US ARE GOOD ENOUGH.

Look at this list:

Tummy tuck
Breast augmentation/lift
Breast reduction
Liposuction
Post Weight-Loss Surgery
Mommy Makeover Packages
and then they top it off with: “Financing available”

Not only do they want to wreck your soul & make you believe that you aren’t good enough— that you have to change your body in order to be acceptable and desirable and have confidence– (there is no unsurgeried part of your body that they will leave uncriticized)– but they will help you get in debt over it too! Yippee-skippy!

Christian woman, the ads and doctors would have you look at your body as the defining characteristic that gives you value, but God looks at the heart.

Yes, there are seasons when we need to use exercise or food to be good stewards of the bodies He has given us, but REJECT THE CULTURAL MESSAGE that you should loathe the fact that your body has changed.

God is interested in the changes of your HEART.

Surgery images courtesy of VictorHabbick and Ambro/FreeDigitalPhotos

Subscribe to my newsletter, and I’ll send you my FREE sanity-saving printable: 30 QUICK FIXES for GETTING THROUGH THE TOUGH DAYS.

30 practical ideas for the hardest days of motherhood
Get this list you can refer to when you’re sick or out of ideas

SIGN UP NOW & I’ll send it your way:

Unfortunately, this last week in particular, I and my children have seen incontrovertible evidence that (at least for me), stress and yelling seem to have a direct relationship. When stress increases, the volume and frequency of my yelling increases as well.

So this weekend, I asked a group of godly women to exhort me in regard to yelling. I’ve tried self-shaming; I’ve tried behavior modification; I’ve tried visual reminders…

I knew something needed to change.

That “something” was my heart and mind. You see… I was not seeing it as sin; instead I was justifying it in my mind. My justifications went like this:

“I don’t yell all the time; it’s happening because I’m stressed out.”
“They know I’m stressed, they know this isn’t normal, and they know that I love them.”
“It’s not THAT bad. I’m not… (cursing at them, hitting them, fill in the blank).”
“I’m yelling TO them, not yelling AT them (not calling them names, etc.).”
“Yelling was commonplace in my home when I was growing up.”
“Yelling is partly cultural and personality-based” (yes, I actually told myself this). “Italians & Greeks are louder families than others… so maybe this is just a loud thing and not a SIN thing.”

I thought back about 8-9 years, to the moment when I first yelled at our children, (in a very stressful time, incidentally), and I remember thinking, “I won’t always feel so frustrated. He won’t grow up with a yelling mom. I just yell in rare circumstances, when I’m pushed to my limits.”

But guess what? I’m still yelling. Surprise, surprise.

(Let this be a warning to you, young mom with one toddler who just started yelling: SIN DOESN’T KILL ITSELF. THESE THINGS DON’T JUST IMPROVE ON THEIR OWN. STOP THIS THING NOW BEFORE YOU WAKE UP TO IT WITH A WONDERFUL, WOUNDED ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD STARING BACK AT YOU.)

Well, my friends (who I so DESPERATELY NEEDED to square with me) squared with me. Here’s what they told me:

“Is yelling respectful? Does yelling show honor to God or His image bearers? Does yelling pass the Ephesians 4:29 test? Does yelling glorify God?” ~LearningByEar
Ephesians 4:29 says: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth, but ONLY such as is GOOD FOR BUILDING UP, as fits the situation, that it may GIVE GRACE to those who hear.“
“I hesitate to blame ‘irritation’ on lack of self-control. Yes, you do need to control yourself, but usually you need to prepare first. You prepare by first of all, making calmness and self-control your top priority, not just at night when you pray before bed but choosing it over and over again all day long. Next, because not losing your temper is now your top priority, you need to rearrange your life to assist you in that goal. That means thinking ahead so you can head off an irritating situation BEFORE it happens. Slowing down, keeping your kids WITH you, cutting out unnecessary activities, simplifying your life, giving your kids direction rather than reacting to their choices, etc., are all things you can do to assist in your goal of developing and keeping to a new level of self-control. It is not a matter of just learning to grit your teeth when things happen. You must make it a continuing priority over and over and you must prepare ahead whenever possible.” ~Elizabeth, mom of 10
“Yelling is all about the yeller; it’s about pride. You yell because your will isn’t being done on Earth as God’s will is in Heaven” (I borrowed that from Tedd Tripp). ~LearningByEar
“Yelling is a sin. It’s vicious and horrible and mean and nasty and vindictive. It’s hateful. Seeing it for what it was is what made me finally stop doing it.” ~Laura, mom of 9
“I think we all know what type of “yelling” is wrong and sinful. Yelling “Johnny NO!!!” as your toddler is about to touch a hot stove is not wrong at all. Yelling at your kids because you are just in the habit of dealing with them that way instead of better ways, is wrong and sinful, period. First, change the way you think. Love good and hate evil. See yelling (or any other lack of self-control) as the sin it is and hate it. Make it a top priority it rid your life of it. Take if off the list of options you use to deal with your children’s misbehavior.” ~Elizabeth

One thing one friend said stood out to me:

“Galatians 5:19-21 lists fits of rage right there with drunken orgies.”

Here’s the thing: she’s absolutely right.

This is what the verse says: “The acts of the flesh are evident:” (and here’s the list– not in order– but all there):

sexual immorality
dissensions
idolatry
orgies
jealousy
impurity
drunkenness
sorcery
sensuality
fits of anger
divisions
enmity
envy

“Those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

I mean, seriously.

I would NEVER justify participating in orgies or sorcery. That stuff is straight-up wickedness!

This is a good reminder for why the Word is so important. When I am yelling at my kids, it *IS* a fit of anger, just like what Scripture condemns, right alongside those things I would never do. I am frustrated, embarrassed, feeling disrespected, disobeyed, and yes, I have let them go too far down a path without clear direction. But none of it justifies wickedness.

As a child of God, with the Spirit inside of me, I am FREE not to sin, but I have to walk in that. When I yell, I am NOT walking in the Spirit; I am choosing instead to walk in the flesh.

When I yell, I am throwing an adult-sized temper tantrum with ME and MY DESIRES at the center of the universe. (TWEET THAT.)

And that sin- throwing FITS OF ANGER- is a sinful stench to God, and a slap in the face of the risen Christ, in the same way it would be if I was participating in seances and orgies.

Hearing from my friends (praise God for truth-speaking friends!) re-framed this issue for me, in the right biblical perspective. Saturday night, I wrote these quotes and verses on notecards with rainbow-colored-markers (which makes anything more fun, right? Thank you, Costco.), and put them up on my mirror.

Praise God, my husband had the night shift and so I used that time alone, after the kids were in bed to pray, journal, and confess my sin to God.

Sunday morning, when I woke up, I pulled my kids close around the breakfast table and confessed my sin of anger and yelling to them. Not just, “I’m sorry, mommy was wrong,” but a confession of my SIN. I shared with them the verses I just shared with you (albeit, with kid-sized explanations for the tougher, R-rated words). I told them that when I yell, I am willfully giving in to my flesh & not yielding to God. I am sinning against them and God.

I asked for their prayers, and for their forgiveness. My sweet kids gave both, and hugs and smiles abounded.

And so now, here I am, sharing this with you too. I am sharing for accountability’s sake, and out of a desire to be transparent with and grow alongside you. I am planning to write more, in the coming weeks, about yelling. I want to encourage you, not from a position of one who has my act together in this area, but as a fellow traveler on the road.

I want to shut this sin down. I want to choke it to death so it will no longer rule and reign in my heart in life.

Is this an area where you struggle?

Has yelling become the way (or even a way) you deal with life’s frustrations?

Let’s grow alongside each other and kill this terrible sin that wants to choke joy and life out of our homes.

Images courtesy of imagerymajestic/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Subscribe to my newsletter, and I’ll send you my FREE sanity-saving printable: 30 QUICK FIXES for GETTING THROUGH THE TOUGH DAYS.

30 practical ideas for the hardest days of motherhood
Get this list you can refer to when you’re sick or out of ideas

SIGN UP NOW & I’ll send it your way:

One of the things I love about having a big family is that it gives our children skads of opportunities to interact with people who (from time to time) rub them the wrong way. Better than that, they’re forced to work through it and KEEP living alongside one another, loving and learning to lay down their own preferences in loving pursuit of peace. Lots of opportunities for hurt makes for lots of opportunities for forgiveness and peacemaking.

I think God means the same thing to be true within the Body of Christ. It’s so clear to me in the Word:

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
~Ephesians 4:32

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you,

you have gained your brother. ~Matthew 18:15

Strive for peace with everyone. ~Hebrews 12:14

If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go.

First BE RECONCILED to your brother,

and then come and offer your gift. ~Matthew 5:23-24

If your brother sins, rebuke him,
and if he repents, forgive him. ~Luke 17:3

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly,
since love covers a multitude of sins. ~1 Peter 4:8

Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you,

so also you must forgive. ~Colossians 3:13

Those who plan peace have joy. ~Proverbs 12:20

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. ~Matthew 5:9

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. ~Romans 12:18

When a man’s ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.

~Proverbs 16:7

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God ~1 Peter 5:6

As sinners, we (unfortunately) WILL offend each other. It happens in our homes. It happens in our workplaces. It happens in our churches. Every human relationship is marred by hurt, and peace and reconciliation is an ongoing need of our hearts.

But what happens? All too often, after the hurt, we run into our corners, determined to either keep fighting another round, OR to exit the ring, licking our wounds. It is very rare (at least, it’s been rare in my life experiences) to see wounded parties meeting together ON PURPOSE to pursue peace.

Sometimes language is used like, “There’s something you need to know,” “Let’s clear the air,” or “I’ve got a few things I want to say to you.” Sometimes there is complete avoidance of actual discussion. But rarely is PEACE a true goal after fists have flung and bruising has occurred.

But in Christ, it ought to be. I loved so much of what James MacDonald said at Resurgence in November (Here’s a video of his talk; SO good!). Here’s a smattering:

“When it’s hardest to love, when it’s personal and painful, humble yourself.”
“Love them. Even when it hurts. Even when it costs.”
“Own it all, to reconcile.”

That last statement was the most impactful part, for me. Here’s what he said:

“Generally in conflict within relationships, there’s fault on both sides, but they can’t see it. If you want to work it out, OWN IT ALL. Forego all opportunity to clarify your position. God loves humility. With God the way UP is DOWN.”

I actually heard Matt Chandler say something similar, in September. He used Zaccheus as an example of someone who, when he was captivated by Christ, paid back even more than what he owed. “As the people of God, we own everything and then some. Even if we only ‘owned’ 2% of the conflict, we own it all.“

(This is a moment when I feel the need to clarify– I’m not at all advocating some extreme position that the way for a battered woman to have peace with her abusive husband is to own all the responsibility.)

What I’m saying is, in normal everyday conflicts that happen in human relationships, there are times when our flesh and our enemy work together to convince each party in a conflict that their portion of the conflict is slight. Each side feels justified in withholding forgiveness, and believes its own “case” is the strong one. The vitriol amps up as each side replays the hurts and justifies all manner of ungodly behavior (fury, gossip, hostility, self-justification, pride, judgment, indignation, slander).

But the humblest man of all, the God-man Christ, is our example. HE is the One that we follow. When accused, He did not answer back. He took all of the punishment and mistreatment that He did not deserve. And He did it for a people, and for peace. His aim was RECONCILIATION.

As joint-heirs with Him, following in His way, our aim should also be reconciliation. Even if that means owning more than our “share.” Even if that means owning it all.

This last year has provided me with a few opportunities to pursue reconciliation in tense or stressful circumstances. I’m so thankful to have had these godly men pounding me with the Word so that I was motivated and convicted to do the right thing, even when I didn’t feel like it.

Let me share a few final, challenging word from James MacDonald :

“Refuse to be offended. I’ve asked God to remove my sensitivity. Do nothing when you’re hurt. Do nothing from hurt or because of hurt. Hurting people hurt.”

Wow. I’ll let that one stand on its own, except to say this:

Sometimes we women in particular need to take a step back, breathe deeply, and work diligently to step out of our pain and strive to see things from the perspective of the other person. Strive to put things in the most favorable light, rather than seeing them in the most hurtful.

When reconciliation and peace become our overarching goal, above and beyond being heard, above and beyond giving someone else their just dessert, above and beyond ensuring that everything is seen rightly in the eyes of all human persons involved… we are taking on the description of sons of God: a peacemaker. And ultimately, this promise is ours:

Those who plan peace have joy. ~Proverbs 12:20

Images courtesy of DavidCastilloDominici/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
and adamr/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Katie also shared some great thoughts in October about conflict resolution: 6 TIPS FOR BIBLICAL CONFLICT RESOLUTION – Definitely worth reading.

Subscribe to my newsletter, and I’ll send you my FREE sanity-saving printable: 30 QUICK FIXES for GETTING THROUGH THE TOUGH DAYS.

30 practical ideas for the hardest days of motherhood
Get this list you can refer to when you’re sick or out of ideas

SIGN UP NOW & I’ll send it your way:

When we moved overseas in 2006, we sold or gave away virtually everything we owned. Personal items, baby books, and a few items we couldn’t sell and really liked went to my parents’ garage. Everything else?

(Imagine me snapping.) Gone, just like that.

We moved to a somewhat-grimy, moldy-bathroomed, garishly-embroidered-floral-couched apartment in the middle of nowhere in China. It was there, on the fourth floor, on the right. A walk-up apartment, of course.

There in that smoggy city, without a car, owning few personal possessions, pregnant with our third child, God taught us contentment with little. We learned the quiet contentment that comes from living in a difficult place, while possessing a bedrock-solid-KNOWING that God ordained it. Honestly, the things that happened in our less-than-a-year there are still some of our favorite, laugh-out-loud memories.

Later, after nearly six years living abroad, we found ourselves back in Texas. When we decided to stay, and Doug found a job, we began looking to buy a house at the very bottom of the housing market drop. House prices were low, and even still, with crazy low prices and low interest rates, homes sat for sale for 6-12 months before selling. We were able to snatch up an incredible house (it’s still mind-blowing to me that we’ve gotten to live here for nearly two years) at a shockingly low price.

Thus began the period of our life I’ll call, “learning to be content with much.”

We have a pool, y’all. A POOL. In some parts of the country, a pool is a status symbol for the rich. In the sweltering Texas summer, a pool is the difference between staying inside from roughly 9:30am-6pm every day, and actually getting to enjoy the daytime (even in July and August).

But do you know what that pool was, for me?

It was something I needed to apologize for, and explain away. I felt GUILTY for owning the pool. GUILTY for being able to afford it. I was guilted into explaining, to each person who came over, how “we just happened to be looking for a house when everything was ultra-cheap. We’d never be able to afford this house normally.”

Though I’d learned to be content–joyful, even– with little, I hadn’t yet learned to be content with much.

Over the past two years, we’ve had family pick-up football games…

…celebrated holidays with our fun & crazy family
(something we hadn’t been able to do while living overseas)…

…celebrated birthdays with skads of family and friends…

…hosted another family in our home for four months, to help them get their feet underneath them in Texas after a big cross-country move…

…had Theo, right here in this house…

…boogied through family dance parties…

…built a chicken coop ourselves, and raised baby chicks into laying hens…

…enjoyed the pool (especially on those hot summer days)…

…and enjoyed the freedom that comes with having a yard to play in
(something we never had while living abroad).

We have been blessed, and have wrung every bit of pleasure we could get from these short-term possessions.

Over these two years, God has taught me the heart-at-rest contentment that can come, even in the midst of having MUCH. He has taught me, just in the same way that I chose not to belittle or grump about the “little” we had while we lived in that tiny apartment, that I need to choose not to apologize for, or feel embarrassed about, the “much” that He’s given us here.

He owns all the cattle and made all the stars.

Everything we have, no matter whether it is “much” or “little,” is from His hand.

We have honestly held these temporal, earthly things (our house, yard, and pool) with open hands, sharing them freely with our care group, neighbors, friends, and the other family that lived with us. He has given us so much joy, and has taught us to be grateful stewards, and I praise Him for it.

Now, we are at a crossroads.

We don’t yet know where we are headed, but my husband is looking for long-term employment. Given the options before us, it is likely that we won’t get to remain in this house. I am thankful for the house, yard, and pool, thankful for the memories made, and thankful for the contentment-with-much that He has taught me here.

God has been so good to keep maturing us, so that we are beginning to wholeheartedly echo Paul’s words:

I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.
I know how to be brought low, and
I know how to abound.
In any and every circumstance,
I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger,
abundance and need.
I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength.
~Philippians 4:11-13

Subscribe to my newsletter, and I’ll send you my FREE sanity-saving printable: 30 QUICK FIXES for GETTING THROUGH THE TOUGH DAYS.

30 practical ideas for the hardest days of motherhood
Get this list you can refer to when you’re sick or out of ideas

SIGN UP NOW & I’ll send it your way: