April 2015 – Jess Connell

Over the weekend, I was thrilled to attend a homeschooling conference with two days of teaching from Dr. Voddie Baucham and Dr. Tedd Tripp. Whoo! The main focus was how to make sure that we are clearly announcing the Good News of the Gospel of Jesus in our parenting and in our homes.

Talk about a power-packed weekend; it was phenomenal! I want to share some of the highlights that were the most encouraging and heart-challenging for me:

First was the need to get clear about the difference between obedience and Gospel.

LEGALISM VS. GOSPEL IN PARENTING

This was such a wonderful reminder for parents in every stage:

Am I telling my kids:

“You can do it!”
OR
“You need Jesus!”

The first is legalism, personal effort, and self-justification (“TRY HARDER!”). The second is the Gospel (“RUN TO THE CROSS & BE SAVED!”).

He pointed to Ephesians 4:32-

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. ~Ephesians 4:32

His point was this– too many times, parents point to, “be kind to one another” without pointing to the “as God in Christ forgave you.” The way for our children to be able to have Christ-like kindness is to look to Christ, not to “try harder” to be nice.

The same verse, he said, can do one of two things:

entrench my children in legalism
OR
confront my children with the Gospel.

NEED FOR THE GOSPEL

In a different session, a man named Monty Simao said, “Every child– rebellious or obedient– needs THE SAME GOSPEL.” He said all of us come with a default setting of self-rightousness yet sin is a daily struggle. We need to be pointing our children to the Gospel.

WHAT ABOUT WISDOM FROM PROVERBS?

One of Dr. Tripp’s break-out sessions focused on how to use wisdom literature biblically, and particularly how to use it in light of the New Testament revelation of Christ. He began with Proverbs 9:10:

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. ~Proverbs 9:10

“Children can not interpret life wisely without the fear of the LORD.”~ Dr. Tripp.

The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.” ~Psalm 14:1

Because the predominant worldview around us is “there is no God,” according to Psalm 14:1, that means that our culture is speaking with the voice of a fool. We must help our kids see cultural messages (like “only you can decide what’s good for you”) rightly– as the epitome of arrogant foolishness.

Dr. Tripp made the point that our children need to learn to see culture through the lens of wisdom and foolishness… And that, as we talk with them about the attitudes and actions of the culture around us, they should see us living in light of the fear of the Lord. The decisions we make, the conversation we have (and don’t have), the relationships we pursue, etc, should all point to a genuine “fear of the LORD” at work within us.

Dr. Baucham on wisdom literature:

First: Are we developing character? Or pointing our children to Christ?

We need to approach OT wisdom literature with the full revelation that Jesus IS the fulfillment of wisdom. He is the “wise son” of Proverbs. He has already done the work. Thus, the message they get from us by our use of the Proverbs should not be, “work for your righteousness!”

He gave these principles for using wisdom literature:

use it as wisdom, NOT law
they are general truisms, NOT absolute promises (ex: contrast Prov. 14:26 & the life of Job)
point to faith, not guarantees
point to God’s sovereignty, not an assembly line of rules and outcomes

The difference between the fool and the wise is not in who tries harder. The difference between them is who fears the LORD.

When talking with our kids, we should look to the roots of belief and faith rather than the external fruit that we’re seeing. What is it our children are believing? What is it they are trusting in? Are we pointing them to the right resting place for their faith RATHER THAN simply looking at the external behaviors?

…”Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” ~Colossians 2:2-3

Jesus is the One in whom all treasures of wisdom can be found. He is the only means by which our children can become wise sons. Christ-less parenting is foolish. Gospel-less parenting is foolish.

Proverbs is not merely a series of behaviors we are shooting for. It is what God produces in His wisdom in the life of one who is yielded to Him.

Our children need to hear us say:

“You need Jesus to be formed in you. THIS will conform you to who you need to be as you are sanctified by Him.”
“You need Christ, not obedience!”
Instead of “try harder,” “RUN TO CHRIST!”

The final question he posed was this:

IN THE COMMENTS:

Thoughts?
Questions/input about any of this?
Is this new to you, or does it frame these ideas differently than you are used to thinking about them?

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Tagged discipline, mom, mothering, parenting, the Gospel, training

First I asked myself, What is the most essential thing for me to be doing right now?

Then I reminded myself of the reasons why I want to DO those essential things.

I’m not under the illusions that mere DOING is going to change my heart, my home, or my family. So I wanted to remind myself of the big picture before diving in to do the daily things.

Today, it was a morning of living according to our priorities. Here’s a rundown of how my morning went, as best I can recall:

First, I nursed the baby. Bleary-eyed, I pulled the travel pillow around my neck and caught a few more minutes of delightful snoozy haziness as he nursed and I tried to wake up.
Then I got dressed and came downstairs, and started reading my Bible, starting in the last place I’d stopped.
That was interrupted by a child who needed to use my Bible (since it’s an ESV & I ask them to do copywork from the ESV but she doesn’t yet own her own ESV) to do her copywork for school.
I read aloud to our 4 year old while I waited for the 8 year old to be done with my Bible.
I got some coffee and tickled and giggled with the 2 year old on the stairs on my way back to the living room.
My mom called at 8am to start our new Monday-morning-weekly-call-routine because my life has gotten so busy that otherwise weeks can go by and I haven’t talked to my mom… so I talked to her for something more like 45 minutes. While doing that, I tidied up the bookshelves in our library which were in a sad state. By the time our conversation was over, the bookshelves looked neat. (We picked this time b/c Mondays are typically my husband’s day off since he’s a pastor and counsels with people on Saturdays and serves and teaches and holds meetings, etc., on Sundays).
The kids did school and I ran interference (answering questions, etc.) and studied a little more in the Bible. It felt really great to do this at the FIRST available opportunity. It had been getting sidelined to “whenever I got around to it” (which, sadly, was sometimes never).
After we finished school, the kids finished chores while I nursed the baby and got dinner in the crockpot.
We ate lunch and headed out for a lengthy bike ride around town. (Have you ogled and gawked at my new bike yet? I’m loving it!!)
We came home for naps and quiet afternoon time, which allowed me enough time to write this.

This is a short post, but it’s based on the MAIN QUESTION, and the 12 PRINCIPLES we thought about first.

In each moment, I was trying to do the essential things. First, my growth as a disciple, then the things my husband and I have prioritized for our home, for this season.
I didn’t try to “do it all.” I just focused on doing the next thing.

OR, put simply, I followed this basic idea:

I wasn’t trying to “do it all.”

I wasn’t trying to do it all in one moment.

But over the course of the day, our priorities, for the most part, got accomplished.

And the things that didn’t? Well, we’ll talk about that next.

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Tagged About Jess, Do the Next Thing, essentialism, home management, priorities

First. Why am I talking about this? Don’t I normally talk about mom stuff?

Dear Mom in the throes of raising little ones, here’s the thing:

YOU’VE GOTTA FIGURE THIS STUFF OUT.

Our culture is ramming gender-sameness down our throats.

Male and female are exactly the same. You’re not allowed to say boys and girls have anything different about them. Got it? ALL. EXACTLY. THE. SAME.

Except when they’re not.

Male and female are not the same. If I’m a boy, I don’t have to use the male bathroom. I can use the female bathroom if I feel like it. If I feel like a girl, even if I have boy parts, I’m not a boy, I’m a girl. Got it? NOT. EXACTLY. THE. SAME.

Do you see it?

Our culture is CONFUSED, mama.

And you’ve got to sort it out, so that you know what to do right there in your home.

But how did Jimmy Carter get mixed up with all this?

Well, he wrote an awful piece about leaving his Southern Baptist membership behind, because of sex slavery and genital mutilation. Yeah. He seriously wrote a piece connecting those two things. Except no Southern Baptist I know thinks sex slavery and genital mutilation are good things. None. You know what Southern Baptists DID affirm?

Here’s a quote for those who are interested:

“Women participate equally with men in the priesthood of all believers. Their role is crucial, their wisdom, grace and commitment exemplary. Women are an integral part of our Southern Baptist boards, faculties, mission teams, writer pools, and professional staffs. We affirm and celebrate their Great Commission impact.

While Scripture teaches that a woman’s role is not identical to that of men in every respect, and that pastoral leadership is assigned to men, it also teaches that women are equal in value to men.”

That equals genital mutilation and sex slavery, how?

Because in Jimmy Carter’s world (and all too often in the culture around us), a man being the head of his home, called to nurture his wife as his own body, and his wife submitting to her husband as the church submits to Christ, is the same as wicked societies that suppress, humiliate, abuse, and degrade women.

The truth we as moms must grapple with is this:

God created them MALE and FEMALE.

From the beginning of human existence, He introduced differentiation between the genders. Different roles. Different responsibilities.

For you, as the mom of little ones, you have a choice:

Will you join the confused culture and teach your daughters the battle cry of “I can do anything a boy can do, only better?”
Will you join the confused culture and teach your children, “you can be anything you want to be, even the opposite gender?”
Will you join the confused culture, and teach your sons and daughters that there are no innate differences between male and female?
Will you join the confused culture and teach your children that male headship is the same as female subjugation?

Or will you affirm the rich, nuanced approach of Scripture, that:

women aren’t collectively to submit to all men, but that wives are each to submit to their own husbands?
male and female are different and unique genders, each with their own roles and responsibilities within marriage
males are to look to God the Father and to Christ as they lead their homes
men are to love their wives like Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her
females are to look to Christ’s submission to the Father, and the church’s submission to Christ, as they help their husbands and serve their families
that these same familial guidelines for male leadership apply within our larger “Family”– in the Body of Christ

What are you going to teach your children?

Mama, you’ve gotta get clear about this.

You can’t be wishy-washy on these topics, or else it is very likely that you will go far far far astray from Scripture in this confused culture.

It is not just “gender issues” that at stake here.

This is the very heart of the Gospel– that Christ, the sacrificial groom, left freedom and gave up everything, relinquishing His rights, in order to serve, love, nourish, and lead His chosen Bride… and that we as His church respond by joyful submission, giving up our own identity to become one with Him.

God custom-built marriage so that it would contain this “mystery” of the Gospel and so that each individual marriage would serve as a lesser picture pointing to a greater reality.

Your sons need to each hear that when he rises up and chooses a bride, he is to be committed to, and to give himself up for her… to serve, love, and lead her and whatever children God graciously gives, looking to Christ as his example… Remembering that he is called to nurture and nourish her In the way that he cares for his own body.
Your daughters need to hear that God wants them to rise up and serve the Lord. If they agree to become a man’s wife, they are agreeing to help him with powerful assistance (as the Holy Spirit is called a helper), submit to him in his leadership of their home, and look to Christ’s joyful submission with His eye on future joy as her example.
Your children, growing up in this gender-confused culture, need to hear and understand that God has purposefully designed men and women with different characteristics and different roles, equal in dignity, but distinct in responsibility.

The future of your marriage, your home, and your children depend on your crystal-clear understanding of these principles.

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Tagged biblical teaching, culture, gender roles in marriage, the Gospel, what does the Bible say about sex?

Yesterday we asked: AM I DOING THE MOST ESSENTIAL THING?

Thoughts about essentialism and how it squares with my job as a mom have been swirling in my head for weeks.

Saturday, it all came to a head when I realized I didn’t have my phone. My hands patted and searched, frenetically panicked like Bilbo Baggins’ hands when he’d misplaced the ring of power. WHERE IS MY PHONE?! (You could almost hear the echoing words– “My only? MY PRECIOUS?!!??!?!”) My eyes scanned the kitchen counters as my hands patted my back pants pockets, the hip pockets on my jacket, and still didn’t come to rest on the phone.

You know what makes this all the more ridiculous? I was searching for it out of habit– not because I needed to connect with someone or take a photo. Simply because I was bored and didn’t have it with me.

This one moment in time showed me the truth about my heart: TOO ATTACHED TO A DEVICE. A stupid (“smart”) piece of plastic, glass, microchips, and metallic pieces. How is it that 3-4 years ago, I didn’t even OWN one of these, and now it has become my habitual, go-to time waster?

On Sunday, we dedicated our sweet Luke Ebenezer at church. What a great reminder, right?, of our responsibility as parents. Really, it’s a parents’ dedication– a sign that we want our church’s accountability in our commitment to raise him in the ways of God.

See how happy he is about that?

RE-FOCUSING ON THE ESSENTIALS

The main thing that I realized this past week is my own lack of focus on the essentials.

I used to be good at this, y’all. Good at just DOING the basics:

loving my husband and children with great delight & purposefulness
disciplining my children consistently
reading books in HUGE quantities
dependably planning meals
reading aloud to my sweet kiddos

But lately, I’ve:

been acting like, “oh, I’ve got big kids, we’re all in this together; I can let things slide.”
taken on more writing jobs, written more books.
gotten to 5:30pm WAAAAAAAYYYYYY too often, without a dinner plan
been very, very slack on reading aloud to the kids.
gotten too far away from our “sweet spot” in homeschooling
been so into my phone that I’ve (sadly, confessionally) hardly read any books at all
not been purposeful about sharing the GOSPEL with my children

So, is it OK for me to write books? Sure. I used to do it and not neglect the essentials.

But is it OK for me to neglect the basic things in order to do that?

No.

Now’s the time for me to buckle back in and not give in to exhaustion. Now’s the time that my almost-13-year-old oldest son needs me to be redouble my efforts to be intentional for his final 5 years in our home. Now’s the time that my 7-year-old needs me to be just as committed to HIS education by reading aloud regularly as I was with my 13-year-old when HE was 7.

Of course, I have to balance this reminder of personal conviction in this area with the FACT that I’m 2 months postpartum right? This IS still a time for rest. I’ve been lecturing y’all about this, so I Have to do it myself. 😉

That said, when I have energy now, I’m on my own, naturally, drifting toward the “fun” things– the things that come “easily” for me… writing out my thoughts comes easier than getting up off the couch and tidying the mess at the high chair. Staring at this cute baby face totally wins out over planning dinner.

So, today, on Day 1, when I consider the question “am I doing the most essential thing?,”

I WANT TO REMEMBER THESE ESSENTIAL THINGS.

These are the things I want to DRIVE MY ATTITUDE & ACTIONS each day:

God called me to be His child. I need to be my Father’s daughter… spending time in His Word daily.
God gave me to my husband to be his helper. I am able to give Doug GREAT and POWERFUL aid and be a great encouragement and source of wisdom to him.
I want to LOVE MY HUSBAND WELL. This is God’s will for me, each day. I don’t have to wonder about it. He’s made it plain by making Doug & I one flesh. I can KNOW with absolute certainty that this is God’s desire for me, each day. I don’t want to reach the end of my life with regrets on this one.
God gave me these children. He didn’t give me every child in the world, or every child in the city I live in. He has given me these seven children on earth. These are the ones I’m particularly responsible TO and responsible FOR.
This is a time to be shaping and sharpening my arrows. Just like “they” say, they’re only little for a short season. This time will pass so very quickly. I don’t want it filled with screens and devices. I don’t want it filled with distracted “uh-huhs.” Sooner than I think, the time will come for me to shoot these arrows out into the world, at the “targets” God has built them for and prepared for them. Now is my opportunity.
Every student, when he is fully trained, becomes like his teacher. Who/what is teaching my children? Am I being purposeful about that? Am I seeing to it that Doug & I are the primary ones pouring into them? So I MUST BE what I want them to BECOME. Am I being a faithful disciple? Committed to my family? Delighted and enthusiastic about my church? Self-sacrificing? A lifelong learner? A hard worker? Am I not just saying, but BEING, these things?
I am called to LOVE them well. Snuggling? Responding with kindness? Interacting with them?
I should be DISCIPLINING them biblically. Children don’t raise themselves, and if/when they do, it’s not good. Unfailing love & consistently firm discipline must go hand-in-hand.
This is my opportunity to pour the GOSPEL into them. Each day in my home, are they learning not just about the rules, but also about the GRACE that GOD GIVES, that we ALL NEED? Am I teaching them to place their hope in GOD, not in people, not in stuff, not in pleasure, not in good times, but in GOD?
I should be faithfully TEACHING THEM, according to the priorities and convictions God has given Doug & I? Reading aloud is important to us. I need to be faithful to do it. Discussing the big ideas and putting sin and grace in the context of real life is important to us. I need to be faithful to do it. These are day-in, day-out concepts, and I need to get back to doing this faithfully.
God has given me this home. It has been given for us to use, enjoy, and steward well. Am I doing that well?
Rather than being a busybody on Facebook, checking in on everyone else non-stop, I should be busy here, in my home. Titus 2, though controversial or sometimes pish-poshed because it’s so oft-referred-to, gives a helpful 7-part “gauge” for godly women to know where to devote their time/efforts. (Those 7 areas are: love husband, love children, be sensible, be pure, work at home, be kind, be subject to husband.) Working at home is something that is just that: WORK. It’s not necessarily what we want to do. Or even if it is, it’s easy to slack off 13 years into the job (ask me how I know). I’ve gotta redouble my efforts here. Meals. Clothes. Tidyness. These things are never “done” and yet this is the work God has given to me.

I need to be living in light of these 12 truths. Sometimes some of it may not be perfectly or optimally done, especially if I’m in a season of survival mode. But when I take the long view, these truths should be evident in the way that I live.

THEN OTHER STUFF.

Writing, AFTER that.

Phone, AFTER that.

Thrift store jaunts, AFTER that.

So this is where I’m at, this week.

Today was all about getting my head screwed back on straight. Think right, THEN do right. Tomorrow we’ll get into practical stuff.

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Tagged Do the Next Thing, essentialism, priorities, truth

I’ve been listening to the book, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, by Greg McKeown. And so far, I love it. It’s one of those books I’ve had to go back through certain sections of, because it’s so challenging and meaty.

His basic thesis is that we should approach life more purposefully, focusing on what is “essential.” But as opposed to minimalism, or just “saying no” more– it’s actually saying “no” SO THAT you can say “yes” to the most essential things.

So then I’ve been wondering. How does this concept apply to me, and to you, as moms?

Because we could have thousands of things on our to-do list, and as Christian women, the load may feel even more burdensome. I mean, wouldn’t Bible reading and prayer always win out over everything else? Not to mention that as moms, we really DO have to be able to multi-task and prioritize a LOT of different things each day. Right?

The question every mom needs to ask herself is this:

WHAT IS THE MOST ESSENTIAL THING FOR ME TO DO RIGHT NOW?

Let’s say you’re a homeschool mom, like me– you could answer it any number of ways in any given moment:

Explain a math concept to your 7th-grader
Scrub dishes so the kitchen counter stays clear
Take a bath or paint toenails so you feel ready and excited to connect intimately and confidently with your husband tonight
Reading aloud to your kids
Listen to your child who is learning to read while he reads aloud
Tidy the living room single-handedly, or with all the kids helping
Make dinner alone, or with the 8-year-old helping
Listen to a podcast, or reading an article

Truthfully, for each of us, there are INFINITE possibilities, right?

What it really boils down to is this:

AM I PLACING VALUE ON THE RIGHT THING?

Here are some sample questions that can help you think about what you tend to deem valuable:

Do you think it’s more important that your house be cleaned each night before bed, or that you take time to connect with your husband?
Do you think it’s more important that your friend gets to stay at your house and chit-chat longer, or that dinner gets prepared and is ready at the right time?
Do you think it’s more important that you have time to browse Facebook or that your hall closet gets organized?
Do you think it’s more important for you to snuggle with your child on the couch or to get the vegetables planted today?

And here’s the thing: none of those questions has a clear “right” and “wrong” for every season or person.

Each person may answer those questions differently, but also… the same person in different seasons could answer each question differently. Different circumstances could dictate a different answer.

But the point remains: Are you placing emphasis on the right thing for YOU, and your HOME, for THIS season?

Plenty of wives have “loved” their kids or friends or work more than their husband and ended up divorced. Some are honest enough to look back and say, “you know, I didn’t really work at it the way I should have. He probably felt neglected.” Will you end up looking back with regret at how you prioritized (or didn’t prioritize) your husband?
Plenty of moms have looked back with regret at how much they focused on a clean house, or their careers, and realized they missed time with their kids. Will that be you?
Plenty of people have looked back on their spiritual lives with disappointment and feel inadequate to give wisdom from God’s Word because they haven’t hidden it in their hearts. Are you doing what it takes to grow wiser and healthier as a believer?

Each year, day, and moment, we can ask:

WHAT is the most essential thing? And is that what I’m doing? Not just the most demanded thing… not just the most urgent thing… not just the most “responsible” thing… but the most essential.

Even if there are a thousand other things you could be doing, when you are fully convinced that you’re doing the most essential thing, there is peace.

So, take the kitchen v. husband thing:

Your husband may want to veg out on the couch together. But you see the big picture of a busy week ahead. After ten or fifteen minutes of chatting, you joyfully get up and put in some elbow grease and get some meals made or the kitchen tidied.
Or, you might constantly feel the pull of the messy kitchen counter, but your husband is desperate for some time snuggling and connecting with you, so you ignore the kitchen, plop down next to him, and enjoy a few hours of sitting together without guilt.

Or, the Facebook v. closet organization:

Facebook may be constantly tugging at your mind. But your home is in disarray and need organizing. So you purposefully shut off Facebook so that you can do what needs doing.
Or perhaps, you’re a mom of many little kids; your house may always have some sort of mess in it that could be cleaned. But you are a neat freak and have spent enough time on that this week. Today, you could choose to use Facebook in a way that would minister to others and enable you to have deeper connections with your family, church family, and friends. So you purposefully stop organizing and re-organizing everything, so that you can prioritize people and relationships above neatness.

Do you see how the same 2 (or more) events competing for your interest could be looked at through different lenses? Do you see how it’s really NOT about the choice you decide on, but more about the question you use to GET to that choice?

As believing women, I believe we have key advantages:

We have the Spirit of God living inside us, to help us. He will convict us of sin. He will lead us to what needs doing.
We have confidence in God’s sovereignty. If something doesn’t get done, we don’t have to feel anxious or angry. He doesn’t NEED us to “do it all” for all the things He means to be done to GET done. He gave us the hours in our day and the resources we had available. He gives us a need for sleep, and a finite amount of energy and skill. We can rest in His sovereign care over all things.
We have Scripture to help us assess our priorities so that we don’t call “valuable” what God says is worthless and devalue the things God says are best.

You could be doing plenty of “good” things that are the wrong things.

You could be doing things other people find valuable that are not actually the “wisest” and “best” use of your time.

You could be doing things that used to be “worth it” but are now not the best, most essential thing YOU can be doing in the here & now.

You could be making “progress” and doing plenty of stuff, but be missing the most essential pieces of the puzzle of WHY God has made you as He has, and WHY He put you in the family and home that He did.

Each day, each moment, you are given the opportunity to ask yourself this question:

Over the next week, I’m going to be looking at this question in MY life, applying it each day, and hopefully whipping things back into shape, so I can do the most “essential” things in my home, family, and life.

I look forward to sharing with you and getting your feedback.

IN THE COMMENTS, PLEASE SHARE:

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Tagged essentialism, Grow on purpose, intentionality, make the best use of the time, mom, motherhood, parenting

So. It’s Sunday morning. Well, it’s not Sunday morning when you’re reading this, but it’s Sunday morning as I’m writing it. I’m in the middle of what might be termed an adult tantrum, fussing and angry because things haven’t gone my way this morning.

You see, I had everything planned.

For the first time since our 7th child was born, I was going to MAKE IT TO CHURCH ON TIME! It was all going to work! Lunch was planned. Hair was done. Pants without holes had been found and donned. The baby had even nursed at the “right” time, so that I was able to get ready and was ready to walk out the door.

And then I found out the lunch that had been prepared and was supposed to be coming OUT of the oven, hadn’t yet been put IN the oven. So, it was put in, and I’m sitting home waiting for it to finish so I can get it out and go to church late. Again.

Instead of sitting here stewing, I’m going to DO what I know I should. Take those thoughts captive.

So. Here are my honest, unfiltered thoughts, right now, as I’m typing:

It’s Sunday morning and I’m gonna be late to church, again.

It’s been two months since Luke was born and I still can’t get it together.

Correction:
I HAD it all together but then the lunch that was supposed to be ready an hour before we needed to leave (so we could eat a ready-made lunch upon returning home later this afternoon) still isn’t ready because the boys didn’t put it in the oven when I asked them to.

If it’s not one thing, it’s another.

All I wanted to do was actually get to enjoy a full Sunday School and church time. Is that so much to ask?

The kids just walked to Sunday school. And they were late. Again. (Filter back on: we live a block away from our church and the older kids were leading the pack… just in case you were wondering. Filter back off.)

My coffee got knocked over; nothing’s going right.

What are people thinking, that the pastor’s wife can’t even pull it together and be to church on time?

I’m so sick of not being able to get just one full morning of church fellowship and interaction.

By the time this lunch is ready, it’ll be time to nurse him. Should I just go ahead and do it here and miss the whole Sunday school hour?

Guilt trip time. I sent the kids off to Sunday school with my rebukes and frustration fresh on their minds. Hypocrite-ville, anyone? Are we going to end up smeared across one of those bitter large family forums because I just grumped at my kids before church?

OK. There’s more running through my head, but this is enough.

And by this point of chronicling my thoughts so very honestly, the worst and blackest thoughts (absolutely refutable lies like, “no one cares about me…” self-pity train) have run away because they don’t want to be written down, LOL.

So when I write down these thoughts, I’m forced to put them into words in a way that sounds more clinical and less self-pitying than they do when they’re running on the soundtrack in my head.

Running loose in my head, they sound right. They sound like thoughts worth listening to.

Now that I’ve written them down, they sound really pathetic. Self-pitying. Self-focused. With a huge dose of fear of man.

So what I’ve got to do at this point is take those thoughts captive.

Identifying them was step #1.

Step #2 is taking them one by one, not letting them control my thinking, and instead giving myself biblical thoughts filled with truth and grace to replace them.

Here is what I am telling myself right now:

Remember the contextual truth: you just had a baby. We’re still finding a new normal. Slip-ups and mess-ups are bound to happen. Lighten up, sista. Your Shepherd looks at you, postpartum mama, with gentle kindness and understanding. He knows you are made of dust.
It’s not up to YOU, Jessica, to “have it together” or up to the boys to get the lunch ready on time. God, not you, is sovereign over your days. These things not being perfectly done is OK.
What is NOT OK is losing your self-control over dumb old lunch. You chose to scold and guilt-trip your children (who were helping you and felt terrible that they’d botched it) and turned to self-pity and anger rather than just accepting this new reality and rolling with it. Quit acting like you are sovereign and as if your will is iron-clad and must happen, or else. Accept that it’s not going to always go your way. Accept that you are not in control.
What other people think is not your concern. They’re responsible for their thoughts; you’re responsible for yours. Quit taking on the appearance of righteousness. Be more concerned about exercising your Spirit-given self-control and disciplining yourself toward true righteousness than toward the appearance of it.
You can pour yourself another cup of coffee. Really.
OK. So you missed more of another day of Sunday School. God knew the content of your days and had them written out before one of them came to be. Do you really think this is some cosmic accident? It’s one day of missing some Sunday School. How about you open your Bible and grow that way, while you nurse, instead of grumping and fuming about missing Sunday School?
And, while you’re at it, consider the irony of that last phrase– “grumping and fuming about missing Sunday School”– and be more careful to check your attitude from now on. Don’t be a whitewashed tomb.

OK, that’s probably far enough. At this point, I’ve sufficiently counseled myself back into thinking biblically about the events of the morning.

Oh! wait.

8- Be sure to pull your children aside before the service and seek their forgiveness about how you acted before they left. Humble yourself and make things right with them.

OK. NOW that’s enough.
At this point, I’m back in a biblically-thinking frame of mind.

I’m seeing the situation as it really is;
I’m seeing myself as I really am;
I’m seeing God on His throne over all of it,
I’ve repented of the sinful attitudes and will seek forgiveness from those I hurt,
and I’m living in a place of grace and truth.

I wrote all this out because this is something I’m learning to do and I wanted to share it with all of you.

This is what taking our thoughts captive looks like, and what it means to talk to yourself rather than to listen to yourself.

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Tagged Mental “Food” Diary, self-control, self-examination, self-pity, spiritual growth, take thoughts captive, thinking, thought life, thoughts

I had our first baby in 2002.

Smart phones basically didn’t exist. Facebook didn’t exist yet. Texting was still fairly new. Phones were still, pretty much, just phones.

POSTPARTUM WITHOUT A SMART PHONE/TABLET

In fact, for our first 4 babies, I didn’t have a smart phone or tablet to keep me awake in the postpartum months. Here are some honest observations about that experience (as compared to nursing a baby now, with smart phones & social media):

POSITIVE THINGS:

I held my babies’ hands more often while they nursed. That was standard position: one wrinkly baby arm, stretched up, clinging to my thumb, with me often fake-munching on their fingers to make them smile and giggle, while they nursed.
I watched them more. Unless I was watching something on TV or directing something happening with my other children, my eyes were often fixed on this new little person.
I prayed for them more while nursing. This is an honest, and sad, admission for me. I remember trying to stay awake while night nursing by searching for things to pray for them.

NEGATIVE THINGS:

I would often fall asleep mid-nursing in the middle of the night and wake up to find that I’d only half-nursed the baby the last time, and only an hour or hour and a half later, he wanted to nurse again. This led to: poorer nursing habits at night, and major CRICK-neck because of falling asleep even when sitting up (yes, I know you can nurse laying down. For me that is a recipe for immediately falling back asleep and baby continually waking up and neither of us getting much of any sleep at all.).
At times, I felt alone and mentally unstimulated. Unless Doug or a friend was sitting with me and visiting, it was easy to feel isolated and mentally stagnant.

POSTPARTUM WITH A SMART PHONE/TABLET

For our last 3 babies, I’ve had either a smart phone or tablet (or both) at my disposal. Here are some observations about that:

POSITIVE THINGS:

I can quickly share pictures and stories about my infant, which I feel is a blessing not only for now, but later, when I want to remember these precious early moments.
I don’t fall asleep in the middle of the night while nursing. This was the most amazing discovery when we first had an iPad for me to peruse with baby #5 (in 2010). I actually achieved full feedings at night, rather than partial ones, which helped him (and by extension, me) sleep through the night more fully. This is actually my very favorite thing about having a smartphone as a postpartum mom.
I can read books on Kindle, read my Bible on my phone, and connect with friends a little more than I might otherwise be able to, which means I feel less isolated and more mentally engaged in these early months with a newborn.

NEGATIVE THINGS:

It is easy to get mentally overwhelmed, or use up your time on stupid things. That friend who always has something dramatic and angry as her status update? The sad depressing news videos? Articles criticizing the very place where you feel most weak during this postpartum time? (could be time with your toddlers, could be daily Bible reading, could be making time for female friendships). Or even the stupid time-passing-but-pointless silly videos posted on Facebook or Twitter– It’s easy to get drawn in and feel defeated/drained/discouraged by all the drama and nonsense on Facebook.
It is easy to forget to stop and BREATHE IN THESE QUICKLY-PASSING MOMENTS. I have done progressively better about this with each post-smartphone baby. I do put the phone down. I purposefully make time to look at him while he pulls off and grins before vigorously latching back on. I actively remind myself to breathe in the scent the top of his head, kiss the dickens out of him, and snuggle him close while willing my arms to remember how his little bundle-body feels. Still. I sometimes forget to do this and find that I’ve just started another SpadesPlus game without even thinking about it or meaning to.
Others can mistakenly perceive that you’re just sitting around doing nothing all day, when in actuality, yes, you’re sitting still and nursing 300+ minutes every day, so yes, it looks like you’re Mrs. Active Facebook Lady, but honestly you’re just trying to stay awake half the time, and get any measure of sleep the other half of the time.

I can honestly see many blessings and benefits, as well as many negatives and drawbacks, from having a smartphone.

BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES TO CONSIDER:

#1- IS IT HELPFUL? IS IT BUILDING UP (me or others)?

1 Corinthians 10:23- “All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.”

Am I using my smartphone in a way that edifies (builds up) the Body of Christ?
Am I using it to grow more godly, or to grow more distracted?
To grow in wisdom and love for others, or to grow more frustrated and bitter toward others?

#2- AM I BEING MASTERED/DOMINATED BY THIS DEVICE?

(1 Corinthians 6:12- “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything.”)

Is my smartphone/tablet ruling me, or am I ruling it?
Am I unable to control myself in this area? Perhaps a day or two or seven of no-social-media might be a beneficial way to gain mastery in how you use your device(s).

#3- IS THIS THE BEST USE OF THE TIME?

(Ephesians 5:15-16- “ Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.”)

Is my use of this device best for this moment?
Am I being purposeful and wise in my use of social media?

At this time, for me, I believe it IS– on the whole– helpful to have a smartphone. And I really do love the way it helps me stay awake during night feedings.

I just have to be purposeful.

Here are some ways I do that:

I try not to live on my phone.
I try not to feel false guilt if it appears that I’m living on my phone, due to the amount of time I’m sitting in one place, nursing.
I try to put down my phone sometimes while I’m nursing and just take it in, especially during the day.
I try to put down my phone as soon as I’m done nursing so that it doesn’t overtake my whole day just through habitual lack of control in this area.
I have “unfollowed” a number of people and things on social media so that I am not mastered or ruled by discouraging things, nonsense, or excessive drama.
I try to use my phone to HELP me remember– i.e., taking pictures of the beautiful/ amazing things I notice about my baby, taking unshared selfies of him & me together so that I remember these moments and so that one day, he’ll be able to see these photos of his un-put-together-but-very-happy mom who loves him so very much.

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Last week, after an afternoon where I took 30 minutes out to play and be silly with my kiddos on the trampoline, my 8 year old daughter said:

“Mama! I’m so glad you’re back…”

I smiled, thinking I knew what she meant, but asked to be sure. She answered, “it’s just… you’ve been nursing, and taking care of Luke, and you were so tired. And then you had to do all the things like cooking, and dishes. Now you’re doing fun things with us again.”

And it’s true.

I’m “back” from the tired-end-of-pregnancy-that-transitioned-into-tired-early-postpartum life. We’ve been bike riding, trampoline jumping, reading aloud, and getting things back in some semblance of order. (WE BOUGHT AN AMAZING Amsterdam-esque, Bakfiets-like CARGO BIKE THAT LETS ME ROLL WITH MY LITTLE GUYS IN TOW… it’s a garage-built one, so it was decidedly NOT the $3000 price-tag they mention. I MAJORLY LOVE my new bike.)

(Trust me, it looks crazier than it really is. It’s similar to the pace and stability of a jogging stroller.)

The post-partum weeks and months are always a blur, but then, one day, one week, one month, at some point… it’s like you wake up and realize you’re in a new normal.

And I’m still doing plenty of nursing and snuggling and resting, too. But the fact that he’s sleeping better (we go to sleep around midnight cause we’re night owls & he’s wakes up once around 5/6 am, praise the Lord!) gives me more energy during the day, and the fact that he’s nursing a little more efficiently (he was nursing for about an hour for every nursing session; now he’s down to around 20-30 minutes per feeding) gives me more free time.

(Oh my goodness, isn’t he soooooooo kissable & squishable?)

Anyway, that’s a little bit of a personal update.

On a different note, I’ve been saving up links to share with you all and the list just keeps growing, so here’s a slew of them to peruse:

A Complementarian Where You Least Expect Her— This story reminded me of me. This is how “modern,” well-educated women come to believe the Bible, yes, even on the issue of gender roles in marriage.
Writing Fiction: Improve Your Dialogue— a 30-minute interview of James Scott Bell by Joanna Penn (two of my favorite writing-craft authors) all about fiction & dialogue (a personal hobby of mine).
The terrible things happening to the American Girl doll brand–– American Girls used to be characterized by unique bravery in unusual circumstances. That is decidedly no longer the case. This is what happens in an ego-centric, everyone-is-a-snowflake, even-mediocrity-is-worth-celebrating culture.
Big Sibling’s BIG INFLUENCE: A good thing for all parents to consider– don’t let your first child ruin the lot. It is miserable to try to see a mom trying to “undo” in multiple children what she should have dealt with with her oldest. Be diligent from the start.
I Was Ambivalent About Having Kids… Until I Wasn’t-– the thing modern society fails to warn women about… that many/most of us will feel: the drive for motherhood
The Latte Factor: 8 Ways We Often Overspend— good reminders here of sneaky expenses to watch out for.
Why the Modern World is Bad For Your Brain— A pithy quote: “Our smartphones have become Swiss army knife–like appliances that include a dictionary, calculator, web browser, email, Game Boy, appointment calendar, voice recorder, guitar tuner, weather forecaster, GPS, texter, tweeter, Facebook updater, and flashlight. They’re more powerful and do more things than the most advanced computer at IBM corporate headquarters 30 years ago. And we use them all the time, part of a 21st-century mania for cramming everything we do into every single spare moment of downtime.”
Why We Abandoned the “Ideal” of Public School— Great article about one family’s journey from public school to home education.

Hope this gives you some enjoyable weekend reading!

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Have you been in this place?

In between sizes
In between hormone swings
In between “normals” in your daily routine
In between feelings of competence & incompetence
In between very little sleep and normal amounts of sleep
In between a variety of very STRONG feelings

My precious little man is 8 weeks old today, and I’m there.

The “in-between” is the place where I’m currently parked.

I’ve been moved to tears (for joy and for sadness). Amazed at how beautiful life is. Overwhelmed by how messy the house is. Ready to conquer the world. Down in the depths because I’m fatter and uglier and older than I have ever been before in my whole life. Excited about the new relationships growing in our home. Frightened by internal fears (playing on auto-repeat in my brain) that maybe I’m not going to be attractive to my husband anymore.

The in-between isn’t an easy place to be.

I’m not normally one who struggles extraordinarily with insecurity. But these last few weeks, y’all– phew! It has come to a head in the area of physical appearance.

I have cried real tears over “not having anything to wear” (I have heaps of clothes in a variety of sizes between 8 & 16, y’all– don’t feel sorry for me).
I’ve caught myself trying to convince my husband of what an ugly, fat, old wife he has. (Why would I want to convince him of that?! Am I being the Proverbs woman who “tears down her house with her own hands,” or WHAT?)
I’ve diligently counted the calories, put miles on the bike, and watched the pounds go UP rather than DOWN. (These are the moments I inwardly rue those women who said, “breastfeeding makes the pounds melt away!”)

So what’s a girl to do? Well, here are some of the ways I’m battling it in my heart:

I’m trying to live in the realm of grace.

Just like the way to deal with postpartum stress, things becomes less stressful when we quit expecting perfection or anything close to it.

I’m trying to identify the things I’m believing, and combat lies with grace and truth.

So, instead of “I’m the ugliest and fattest and oldest I’ve ever been,” my friend encouraged me yesterday to reframe the way I’m seeing myself. Yes, I’m 35. But I’ve never been postpartum and 35. I need to remind myself of the truth:

“Yes, I’m heavier than I’ve ever been (while not pregnant). I’m keeping a careful watch on what I’m eating and being self-controlled. I’m working out regularly and being active. Over time, my body will respond. I’m also breastfeeding and keeping this precious baby alive and healthy. That’s an amazing gift! I don’t need to downplay the significance of all that my body is doing right now.”

When God opens my eyes to other places where I’ve placed my “confidence,” I am trying to confess and repudiate those false foundations.

I’m just going to lay myself bare for y’all, and not try to pretty up these truths. These are some of the places that He has graciously exposed as places where I’ve wrongly put my hope and trust:

in my own “natural” beauty and ability to look relatively good without much effort
in my body. Even when I’ve been bigger, my height and curves have given me confidence that I didn’t realize I rested in until this time around, when the weight is staying on more than normal.
in the idea that my husband will always find me attractive

Now, I have no reason to think that Doug doesn’t currently find me attractive. He is being every bit as encouraging and kind and gentle toward me as He always is.

The difference is in me. I’m seeing things in me that I didn’t see before, particularly in this area of attractiveness. I didn’t realize the degree to which I’ve previously derived confidence and joy from the previous EASE with which I could make myself feel pretty.

Now, it’s like everything has converged and there’s no mistaking it. Even while thinking that I was pursuing soul-beauty above physical-beauty, there are clearly ways that I’ve rested on external rather than on internal beauty.

So now that I see it, I’ve confessed that confidence in the flesh. (And I’m confessing it every time it comes up again in my heart.) I want to shift that confidence in externals into confidence in Christ in me. HE is what makes me attractive. HIS WORK IN ME is what will make me beautiful.

My outward form will continue:

wasting away
being pulled down by gravity
growing persnickety about responding to weight-loss attempts
going grayer
feeling more weak and more weary

This is the truth. I can try to contort, twist, and grapple with my flesh.

I could plump up my lips and lipo my hips and powder and pluck and nip and tuck, but no matter what magic I try to work, this outward form is DYING.

But in Christ, do you see it? IN CHRIST, there is everlasting beauty to be had.

In Christ, my inward form will be:

being renewed daily
being pulled up
growing more responsive to the Spirit & His guidance in my heart
becoming more vibrant
feeling stronger and more alive

Every DAY, while my outward form is wasting away, my inward soul can be growing brighter and brighter, just as the sun grows brighter and brighter until full day.

THIS is where joy is to be found… in taking my insecurities and fears and all of the frustrations of the in-between and calling them what they really are, and then replacing any false foundations with the one true foundation– the cornerstone of Christ.

Then, over time, as I keep hiding myself in Him, He’ll take out this ugly heart of fear and failure and foibles and frustration and work in me joy and peace and gentleness and confidence in Him that will be more beautiful than anything my soul can produce on its own.

Isn’t it AMAZING what God can do in a wicked human heart?

Instead of external, temporary beauty, He has something much greater in mind: He wants to transform my heart into something beautiful. Even as I’ve written this out, I’ve found joy and delight in Christ rising up in my heart. THIS is where joy is found.

Even in the in-between, we can have joy when our joy is in Christ and not in environmental perfection, external beauty, or temporal comfort.

IN THE COMMENTS, PLEASE SHARE:

What sorts of things did you struggle with in the postpartum weeks and months?
How did you (or how are you) combatting those struggles?

Sign up to receive my monthly newsletter, and I’ll send you my FREE book, ONE THING: Top Tip (From a Mom of 6). In it, you’ll learn the top way I:

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Tagged appearance, marriage, newborn, Postpartum, self-examination, thought life, weight, wife

I guess I’m a slow learner. It took me lots of babies and births to finally start figuring it out.

Our baby #1 (born in a hospital in Virginia) was in the NICU for a week, I had mastitis for a month, and then we packed up our apartment and moved across the country. WHAAAAT??!
After baby #2 (born in a hospital in Texas), I was so overwhelmed by the (relative) ease of it (compared to NICU & horrible mastitis) that I hosted a game night in our home just a day or two after having him. WHAAAAAAT?!?
After baby #3 (born in a hospital in Thailand), I got scolded by a Thai lady for being out at the market with our daughter when she was just a couple weeks old. “Oh come on, I’m not going to sit at home and knit!,” I thought, before flying back to China, packing up our apartment, and moving to a second apartment in a new Chinese city.
After baby #4 (born in a hospital in Turkey), I was tired. I was stressed. I wasn’t just tired; I was exhausted. BUT! No rest for the weary. I hosted house church (cause that was easier than packing everyone up to go somewhere else), studied Turkish, and somehow kept 4 young children fed and clothed. I kept trying to go-go-go without slowing down.
After baby #5 (born in a different hospital in Turkey), I broke down and hired a house helper for 10 hours a week. There was no way I could “do it all” and this was one small way I started admitting it. Language learning, homeschooling, cooking, and laundry was enough. A sweet Iranian sister in Christ came and helped me with cleaning my house once a week. What a treasure she was! She desperately needed extra income, and I needed help. God provided for both of us through my weakness during that season. But I still hadn’t really learned.
After baby #6 (born in our home in Texas), my midwife gave strict instructions: “don’t get out of bed for a week. And if you can help it, don’t start doing chores for two weeks.” Though I was skeptical, I figured, I’ve tried “doing it all” and not really slowing down much. So, why not try what she says? She left a note on my door (like the one pictured to the right– click to enlarge) telling others to let me rest. When she came for my 3-day-later appointment, she scolded me for being up to answer the door. She was dead serious about this resting stuff. So, I was serious about it too.

Do you know what happened?

Physically, I healed wonderfully– leaps and bounds better than any other postpartum time.
I felt the best I’d ever felt — emotionally, spiritually, mentally — after any birth.
I was converted to her way of thinking about the postpartum time. She was absolutely right. My whole world functioned better and felt completely different when I had adequate physical rest after giving birth.

And I just had baby #7, less than 8 weeks ago. You know what I did? Well, I’ll tell you–

Here are the things that help me fight postpartum stress:

1- REST MORE THAN I THINK I NEED TO.

Other cultures “GET” this in ways that ours does not. Cultures around the world require rest for the postpartum mother (typically for 40 days, which is why I got publicly shamed in Thailand for being out & about just 15 days after giving birth). I have a series of links at the bottom of this post with fascinating reading about that, for those of you who are interested.

Since our culture does not do this on its own, I have started purposefully building this in as something I need to do, and structure my life as such.

For my part, when I have a new baby, I stay off my feet and take it easy. “Rest more than you think you need to,” has become my most-repeated postpartum self-counsel. I try to go to sleep early, sleep whenever the baby sleeps, and take naps like a champ in these early weeks.

2- DO LESS THAN I THINK I CAN.

This means I severely limit my commitments and activities.

Can I teach Bible studies a few weeks after having a baby? No. I mean, technically, could I? Yes. But should I? No.

Can I attend all the women’s get-togethers and playdates and be on time for everything? No. I mean, technically, could I? Probably. (Well, maybe.) But should that be my top priority? No.

Establishing good milk supply.
Not yelling at my kids.
Staying rested enough so I don’t end up pushed to my limits.

These are my priorities.

The truth is, if I push-push-push myself to do everything I “can” do, I will probably, eventually, burst into angry yelling fits. For some women, pushing themselves too much brings on emotional breakdowns. For some women, it looks more like clamming up and having a verbal/mental shut-down.

Whatever it looks like, when moms push themselves beyond what they are capable of doing, it’s never pretty.

Part of having godly self-control means controlling my self in what I say “yes” to. During this early period with a newborn, I need to limit my commitments and reserve my energies for my family.

3- BE 1000% OK WITH SURVIVAL MODE.

Stop expecting more than simple survival. I always end up disappointed, emotional, and/or angry when I expect more than this of myself, my home, and my family during this new-baby time.

Expectations of a clean house, fully-caught-up laundry, utterly-obedient children… these type of expectations will kill your joy.

Instead of having unrealistic expectations of myself, my home, and my family, I choose to be completely OK with simply surviving at first, while we find our way to a new normal.

4- MAKE PROVISIONS FOR YOUR WEAKNESS.

Suppose you were going to have complete knee replacement surgery. If you knew that, for six weeks, you wouldn’t be able to put full weight on your legs, you would make reasonable provisions for that weakness. You wouldn’t see yourself as incompetent or idiotic for not being able to “stand up, for goodness sake!”

No, you would make provisions in your home, schedule, and daily life, for that anticipated, temporary weakness.

So that’s what I do when I anticipate my postpartum season. That looks something like this:

Accepting the church’s offer of meals (If your church doesn’t do this for new moms, you should! This site makes it sooooooo easy!)
When I have energy at the end of pregnancy, I sometimes have put together some freezer meals.
When I need it, I consider how and where I might get help. Sometimes that’s been from my mom, sometimes from my husband, sometimes from friends, sometimes from hired help, sometimes from my older kids tackling lunch-making or laundry-folding.
Simplify & do what’s “good enough.”

Simply put, I don’t feel bad for being weak. Of COURSE you’re weak after having a baby. That’s why your body is bleeding and tired.

Don’t feel guilty for making provisions for a temporary time of weakness.

5- PUT IT IN PERSPECTIVE.

Put today in the 6-months-from now perspective, the 10-years-from-now perspective, and the 20,000-years-from-now perspective.

By that, I mean something like this:

“Today, I am tired. Today, I am overwhelmed. Today, the mess in the kitchen feels like more than I can stand. 6 months from now, it will not still be this way. 10 years from now, I will not even remember the mess in the kitchen. 20,000 years from now, I will be so very glad to have loved my family well and brought little Luke– an eternal soul!– into the world.”

Putting today’s postpartum stress in perspective of time helps me not feel so overwhelmed. It helps me get my head up out of this moment to see the “big picture.”

6- REVEL IN THE LITTLE JOYS.

Kissable toes.
The tinyness of newborn diapers (and bottoms!).
Hats and hairbows.
Coos and squeaks.
Watching my husband and children love on this new little person.
The first smile.

What’s the one thing old women say to new moms? “Enjoy every moment; it goes so fast,” right?

Well, I don’t want to miss these moments. So I work hard in these early days to really take in the way my newborn smells, the swirls of their hair, the puffiness of their lips, the first time I notice a discernible amount of chunk on the thighs, etc.

Rejoicing in the beautiful things helps me not sweat the stressful things quite so much.

7- REST MORE THAN I THINK I NEED TO.

Yes, this is the same as #1, but really, it’s by FAR the most important thing on the list.

REST, mama, REST! Your laundry will be OK unfolded. There is always more work to do, but these days with your sweet little one will not come back to you.

Whenever I feel the postpartum stress rising, it sounds a little alarm in my brain and I ask myself: am I resting more than I think I need to? Usually the answer is, “no.”

And I don’t think that’s unusual- I think many (most? all?) American/Western postpartum moms are apt to expect WAAAAAAAY too much of themselves and not rest as they should. Perhaps you’re one? If so, let me urge you to put these things into practice and not feel guilty about it. Don’t do like I did, pushing yourself and convincing yourself you can and should “do it all.”

While you care for this new little baby God’s blessed you with, don’t forget to treat yourself as a person worthy of care.

And with that, I need to go and rest.

Luke’s doing pretty well now, sleep-wise, and I’m thankful. But at less than 8 weeks out, my body is still recovering. I need to rest more than I think I need to, and right now is an opportunity to do just that.

April 2015 – Jess Connell

LEGALISM VS. GOSPEL IN PARENTING

NEED FOR THE GOSPEL

WHAT ABOUT WISDOM FROM PROVERBS?

IN THE COMMENTS:

IN THE COMMENTS, SHARE:

YOU’VE GOTTA FIGURE THIS STUFF OUT.

Our culture is ramming gender-sameness down our throats.

Except when they’re not.

What are you going to teach your children?

Mama, you’ve gotta get clear about this.

It is not just “gender issues” that at stake here.

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RE-FOCUSING ON THE ESSENTIALS

So, today, on Day 1, when I consider the question “am I doing the most essential thing?,”

I WANT TO REMEMBER THESE ESSENTIAL THINGS.

WHAT IS THE MOST ESSENTIAL THING FOR ME TO DO RIGHT NOW?

You could be doing plenty of “good” things that are the wrong things.

You could be doing things other people find valuable that are not actually the “wisest” and “best” use of your time.

You could be doing things that used to be “worth it” but are now not the best, most essential thing YOU can be doing in the here & now.

You could be making “progress” and doing plenty of stuff, but be missing the most essential pieces of the puzzle of WHY God has made you as He has, and WHY He put you in the family and home that He did.

Each day, each moment, you are given the opportunity to ask yourself this question:

Over the next week, I’m going to be looking at this question in MY life, applying it each day, and hopefully whipping things back into shape, so I can do the most “essential” things in my home, family, and life.

I look forward to sharing with you and getting your feedback.

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You see, I had everything planned.

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POSTPARTUM WITHOUT A SMART PHONE/TABLET

POSTPARTUM WITH A SMART PHONE/TABLET

BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES TO CONSIDER:

#1- IS IT HELPFUL? IS IT BUILDING UP (me or others)?

#2- AM I BEING MASTERED/DOMINATED BY THIS DEVICE?

#3- IS THIS THE BEST USE OF THE TIME?

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I’m trying to live in the realm of grace.

I’m trying to identify the things I’m believing, and combat lies with grace and truth.

When God opens my eyes to other places where I’ve placed my “confidence,” I am trying to confess and repudiate those false foundations.

THIS is where joy is to be found… in taking my insecurities and fears and all of the frustrations of the in-between and calling them what they really are, and then replacing any false foundations with the one true foundation– the cornerstone of Christ.

Isn’t it AMAZING what God can do in a wicked human heart?

Even in the in-between, we can have joy when our joy is in Christ and not in environmental perfection, external beauty, or temporal comfort.

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Here are the things that help me fight postpartum stress:

1- REST MORE THAN I THINK I NEED TO.

2- DO LESS THAN I THINK I CAN.

3- BE 1000% OK WITH SURVIVAL MODE.

4- MAKE PROVISIONS FOR YOUR WEAKNESS.

5- PUT IT IN PERSPECTIVE.

6- REVEL IN THE LITTLE JOYS.

7- REST MORE THAN I THINK I NEED TO.

While you care for this new little baby God’s blessed you with, don’t forget to treat yourself as a person worthy of care.

IN THE COMMENTS, PLEASE SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS & POSTPARTUM EXPERIENCES.