by Jess Connell · May 11, 2017
{This is the 4th article in a series about modesty.
But this fourth and final part is where I fear this discussion could get tense.
Because with modesty (just like the original text goes beyond a mere discussion of heart and attitude to specifics like “gold” and “braids”), it’s not just about the heart.
Our hearts are reflected in the actual CLOTHING CHOICES we make.
And those choices affect everyone around us.
When we go to worship, which is the specific consideration Paul had in mind when writing about it, these choices are particularly worthy of intentionality on our part. Because while our clothing is unlikely to *help* someone else in their approach to God in worship, our clothing can most certainly grab attention *away* from approaching God in worship.
Here are some practical areas we need to consider, as women:
- Are there any body parts that, because of my particular size/shape, I need to personally be mindful of, so that I don’t draw unnecessary attention to them?
- When I bend over in front of a mirror, can my cleavage, breasts, and/or bra be seen?
- See-through fabrics– what am I encouraging when I wear these?
- Are the style of pants I’m wearing exposing my underwear when I sit down?
- If there is a slit in my skirt/dress, what happens when I sit in a chair? How much of my legs are exposed?
- If someone was sitting directly opposite of me, would they be able to see up my skirt/dress?
- Am I making myself taller so that my legs (if exposed) appear even longer and “in your face” to the people around me?
- Are people around me getting a flash of breast/nipple when I am nursing a baby?
- Are my pants tight enough that they are giving a full picture of what my bottom and private areas look like, and thus drawing attention to these private areas?
- Are there event-specific challenges (swimsuits at summer camp? lots of bending over/reaching/etc on a church workday?)
- When someone is standing behind me, what will they be seeing?
- What activities/body motions will I be doing in these clothes?
Practical thoughts on that last Q:
- bending over to pick up a baby? does my cleavage show? does my shirt ride up and expose half my back? do my pants drop down and expose my undies? does my skirt ride up and expose half my thigh?
- raising up my hands in worship? do my arm holes expose my bra/breasts? does my shirt ride up and expose my tummy or lower back?
- will I be up on stage? How long does my skirt need to be so that I can move freely without exposing my thighs/upper legs to my Brothers and Sisters in Christ? Does the lighting on stage change the way the fabrics look? (i.e., is it a fabric that is see-through? Are there any lights behind me that would make the exact shape of my legs and thighs obvious through my skirt fabric?)
Check these things when you are at home.
Bend over FARTHER than you think you would in real life, and look in the mirror. Raise your hands up higher than you anticipate doing in service. Squat down, or sit without adjusting your clothes. Does anything show?
“BUT IT’S ‘CUTE’!!!”
Very often, when the topic of modesty comes up, females focus on the idea that a clothing item or trend is “cute,” even if it’s not particularly what they would call “modest.”
Some things to consider about prioritizing this idea of “cute” above everything else:
- Am I then purposefully being a distraction to others? In a setting of worship, this is particularly important to consider. The whole point of worship is to be able to gather together with the Body of Christ to hear truth and focus our worship on the Lord. Is my focus on “cute” drawing attention away from the entire reason people are coming together?
- Am I seeking attention from others? {Note: Worship is not the time for this. This is a heart issue that needs to be addressed NOT through seeking attention from the Body of Christ when it gathers for worship, but rather, through counseling ourselves rightly. Spend time pondering: what is it that rightly deserves people’s attention during that Sunday morning hour? How can I best support that by not drawing attention away from that most-important focus?)
HOW DO WE DETERMINE– IS IT APPROPRIATE/FITTING?
- To context– the local “culture” we find ourselves in?
- To the event/activity (swimming vs. awards dinner vs. church worship)
- To the people who are participating (i.e., PJs at a ladies’ retreat)
- To my body type (For the specific body God has given me, are my clothes too tight? Too loose? Too tight on certain parts of my body?)
A FEW ULTRA-PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS:
- Wear a camisole/undershirt that hugs your chest near your neck, so it won’t expose your top even if you bend over.
- Safety pin your neckline if you need to make it higher
- Wear a slip so your skirt isn’t see-through
- Wear a cardigan that hangs lower and covers up your bottom/undies when you bend over and sit
- If you’ll be up on stage, wear a skirt that comes to mid-shin or lower, or wear pants.
- When you are in the shape-shifting season of pregnancies and postpartum life, choose skirts with elastic, and use cardigans, or layered tops, to help your clothing stretch through various sizes
While it can be challenging to “be modest,” especially in this modern time,
- it IS POSSIBLE to pursue the biblical standard of wearing “respectable” clothes.
- It IS POSSIBLE to dress in a way that is appropriate for the purpose of a worship service.
- It IS POSSIBLE to work to defer, and seek to wear clothes that are not “loud” and distracting.
Even if it’s challenging in a certain season or culture, dressing modestly IS possible, and as Christian women, it’s what we’re called to do.
CONTINUE LEARNING/READING ON THIS TOPIC:
IN THE COMMENTS, if you’re willing, share:
What practical considerations have helped you learn to dress modestly, and defer to others, when it comes to gathering together with the Body of Christ?
And what resources have helped you think about this issue biblically?
All photos from our trip to Maine, 2011.
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Tags: clothesclothingcommunitymodestypractical solutionsunityunity in the Body