June 2014 – Jess Connell

“Many of the difficulties we experience as Christians can be traced to a lack of Bible study and reading. We should not be content to skim through a chapter merely to satisfy our conscience. Hide the Word of God in your heart! A little portion well digested is of greater value to the soul than a lengthy portion scanned hurriedly.

Do not be discouraged because you cannot understand it all. Go on reading. As you read, the Holy Spirit will enlighten the passages for you. Reading the Bible has a purifying effect upon the heart and mind.”
-Billy Graham devotional

One struggle that afflicts most every believer I know is our tendency to wait to run to God until the storms of life hit us. The greater the difficulty that comes, the more likely we are to pray with desperation, share our problems with the Body at large, and look to the Word for answers. But if everything’s rolling along at a fine pace, or some things are just mildly frustrating us, we zone out and try to go it alone. Our prayers aren’t as fervent, our searching of the Scriptures isn’t as passionate, and our connections with the Body can wane.

The problem with this approach is that if this is all we do through life, we aren’t actually prepared in advance for our problems when they come. We’re always scrambling in the midst of our stress and pain, suddenly desperate to find the answer to “why?”, “why now?”, “why me?”

SO WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT OUR PROBLEMS?

One of the best things we can do is to regularly read Scripture. Even if you are not “needing” it now, learning the truth of what God says about suffering, dependence on Him, and the trials of life is invaluable when the hardship hits. By being familiar with James, Acts, Hebrews, 2 Corinthians, Psalms, and the hurts of the characters in places like Genesis and Hosea, we are more able to face suffering with the perspective of God— able to say, like Joseph, “God means this for good.”
We can regularly ponder Scripture. It is what we should meditate on. Have you ever found a song filling your head all day long? Sometimes you can’t even remember where you last heard it, but it’s there, lodged in your brain. I think that’s how it should be with the Word… running through our minds, filling our thoughts, even at times when we aren’t actively “thinking.” When we hide God’s Word in our heart, that is what comes out when we are raw and hurting. Someone said of John Bunyan that “if you prick him anywhere,” he would “bleed” the Bible. He was so full of it that, when in conversation, it filled nearly every sentence he spoke.
We can regularly pray Scripture. A friend of mine recently encouraged the women in our church to pray portions of Scripture back to God. Reading a Psalm verbatim to God, letting it be an expression of your heart, OR rewording the Scripture into your own words, but letting the message fill your mind and soul, actually reorients the way we think about life. We begin to think about the world from a correct perspective– the one that God inspired in His Word.
Finally, and perhaps this is the best completion of any/all of the above, we can choose to believe Scripture over our own feelings, especially in times of hurt and suffering. Our hearts are deceitful & wicked. During times of difficulty, we are easily tempted to self-pity, despair, hopelessness, resentment, anger, hostility, rage toward God or humans, self-focus, a desire for vengeance, and more. But when we actively take on the mind of Scripture, and (for example) say “The Lord has given, the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord,” at times of great trial, God is honored, and our hearts are oriented toward Him. By intentionally identifying ourselves with Him (rather than believing that we are captive to every feeling we ever feel), He makes us new, changes our thinking, and conforms us more into the image of Christ (who said, in the time of His greatest sorrow, “if it is possible take this cup from me; nevertheless, not my will but Yours be done.”).

I feel thoroughly convicted after reminding myself of these things. I’ve got to do a better job, daily, of pursuing God– learning to know Him better– through His Word.

What do you need to do to hide God’s Word a little deeper in your soul today?

What step(s) do you need to take to be better prepared for future suffering?

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Tagged Bible study, Body of Christ, memorization, problems of life, Scripture, suffering

When our children are little– still young and immature– the discipline and structure we give them is for their good, because they do not yet possess the guardrails that will help them, for example, to get the rest they need. But note: they do not often see these things as “good.” They want to do what they want to do, and they wish their parents would let them. They may even resent the continual discipline on their lives.

As they grow, one of the things that as parents we hope to see happen is for our children to join WITH us in helping them become self-controlled, wise individuals who are committed to growing and learning. We tell our kids, “around the time we start seeing you consistently exercise wisdom and self control from the inside is the time we’ll stop feeling the need to place external constraints on you.”

Our ultimate goal for them is not merely a change in external behavior, but for them to be changed from the inside out– at the heart level.

GODLINESS & SANCTIFICATION

It is the same for us as believers.

If we see discipline as solely God’s work, we may obey, but only in a begrudging way. Resentment may build. This is the young-child-like reaction. We know He is stronger, and has authority over us, but we feel frustrated that He doesn’t just let us go our own way. Or we compare ourselves to other “kids” and think, “they’re not as bad as me; why do I have to be so ‘perfect’?”

But He’s not satisfied if we are merely “not as bad as that guy”, and God doesn’t merely want us to change our behavior. His goal for us is holiness– that we would be “conformed to the image of His Son.”

I believe it honors Him most, and is a mark of maturity, when we willingly, joyfully join with Him in our own growth and sanctification.

Instead of despising the growing pains and wishing away the growth, we work our way through it and lean in to the growth God has put in our lives.

So how can we do that?

WHEN GOD ADDRESSES A PARTICULAR SIN IN OUR LIVES:

When we notice God continually bringing a particular lesson into our lives, we can go to His Word and read and memorize Scripture about that issue.
We can decorate our homes (bathroom mirror, hang over the kitchen sink/stovetop) with verses to help us think rightly about our sin.
We can look soberly at our lives, trying to discern the attitudes, responses, and actions that do not honor God in that area.
We can ask our friends for an honest assessment (repeatedly, if necessary), and brace ourselves to hear the full (probably quite unpleasant) truth.
We can journal and pray to the Lord, asking Him to bring true and lasting change to our hearts, so that we see our sin rightly.
We can see it as a sign of His true love for us as His children.

GOD’S DISCIPLINE IS FOR OUR GOOD

Hebrews 12 says it this way, “He disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

If we begrudge His loving discipline, we are actually wishing that God would stop treating us as His children. We are also ensuring that (because He loves us) He will bring more discipline into our lives.

Consider the child who keeps running toward the street. The mom swats his bottom once and speaks firmly to him, “do NOT run to the street. It’s dangerous.” If in his heart, he still believes he has the right to run toward it, and that it’s fine for him to do so, he is inviting additional discipline into his life. He will undoubtedly be getting more swats and stern reminders. That’s what comes with running toward the street.

But if he takes to heart her discipline, recognizing that his loving and wise authority has made this boundary for him… if he recognizes that she is the one in charge… if he purposes that he does not want to disregard her guidance… he will grow wise and LIVE. And he’ll get less swats. His heart will have changed in such a way that her discipline is no longer necessary in that area. Her law is written on his heart.

This is the way we can grow, and remain joyful AS we grow.

To grow, we have to be willing to listen to hard things that point out our flaws and/or weaknesses, and keep constraining our hearts to be willing to change. Our tendency is to dry out, like cement, and want to stay in the shape we are in. When we are willing to be washed and changed by the “water of the Word,” we are less likely to get brittle and crack, and it keeps us pliable in the hands of our sanctifying God.

As we mature as believers, we can grow to so value His training and the peace and righteousness it brings in our lives, that we no longer despise it. We can humbly submit ourselves to it, thanking Him even amidst the pain, knowing that the harvest it brings will be for our good.

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Tagged heart change, sanctification

“[SHE] MAKES HER ARMS STRONG. SHE PUTS HER HANDS TO THE DISTAFF, AND HER HANDS HOLD THE SPINDLE. SHE OPENS HER HAND TO THE POOR . . . SHE IS NOT AFRAID OF SNOW FOR HER HOUSEHOLD, FOR ALL HER HOUSEHOLD ARE CLOTHED IN SCARLET. SHE MAKES BED COVERINGS FOR HERSELF; HER CLOTHING IS FINE LINEN AND PURPLE. . . . SHE MAKES LINEN GARMENTS AND SELLS THEM;

SHE DELIVERS SASHES TO THE

MERCHANT.”
PROVERBS 31:17-22, 24

This is where the Proverbs 31 woman can really become burdensome if you see it as some sort of cookie-cutter picture for all of us, rather than looking at the big picture of the passage as a whole.

Is this entire section prescriptive? Are we really all supposed to do all of this? While having little kids?! And the answer, friend, is “no.” But this productive, gifted lady is the sort of woman that is praised here, and so we can purposefully look at her life and learn from it.

Look at her. She’s skilled in a particular area (fabric/sewing) and she uses it to bless everyone she comes in contact with:

The poor are blessed because she’s generous toward them.
Her household is well-cared for, even in the coldest snow.
She benefits from her work and does things that make her marriage bed rich and delightful (thus benefiting her husband).
The colors and patterns she chooses are those that please her own eyes and bring cheer and vivacity to the lives of those around her.
She’s even so skilled that she’s able to sell some of her work, and the merchants love to buy from her!

PRACTICALLY, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

Now, what we definitely SHOULD NOT do is take this list and go, “OK, well, I’ve gotta figure out how to use the spindle and the distaff, and definitely need to UP the frequency of purple and red in my home, and find a retailer who wants to buy handmade sashes.” (A well-known author took this passage to its literal end, donning she and her husband with red scarves. That is a trivial, demeaning way of dealing with God’s Word and it’s definitely NOT what this passage is about.)

But the overarching principle is this: God gives us all unique abilities. Whatever ability(s) God has given you, USE. Use it to HIS glory, and for the good of the people around you, as well as your own happiness. Use it to bring a previously-unseen beauty and flair to the world. Use it to produce something worth having. Use it to build up others and to bless your family. USE IT.

Are you using the skill(s) that God has given you? Are you growing in your usefulness to God and others? Are you blessing others, on purpose?

… AND YET, REMEMBER SEASONS

I started college as a vocal performance major. I played guitar and led worship for my summer jobs several years in a row. One summer’s whole salary went toward buying a Seagull guitar with a beautiful rosette and a gorgeous sound.

Do you know what I rarely do, nowadays?

Play that beautiful guitar.

And you know what’s more?

I don’t think I’m disregarding this part of Proverbs 31 by not using that skill very often during this season.

I’m a mom of little children and my life right now isn’t always conducive to having the guitar out. But I sing while I chop vegetables. And every now and then, I whip it out, tune up the strings, and sing with my family.

Not every skill will grow in the ways we anticipate when we are younger. And the learning of other skills may come out of nowhere and dominate your life for a season.

GROW AND BE FRUITFUL

Interestingly though, my best “skills” and abilities aren’t those that I would have listed back in those college days. Eight years ago, I was intensively learning hospitality and cooking from scratch (we’d moved overseas, and I could no longer rely on convenience foods to pinch hit in my weekly menu). About five years ago, I began learning to sew. I now cook and sew with far greater skill and frequency than I play the guitar.

Some new things that I think seem to be growing most in me right now are counseling and a regular dependence on God. Let GOD direct you to areas on which you can focus so that you can skillfully offer up what is productive in the lives of people around you.

Look at the lay of the land and try to discern:

What is it God seems to be doing in my life and heart right now? Is there a skill area, or a spiritual area, where He has custom-built an opportunity for growth, fruitfulness, and blessing for me?

Consider:

What skill(s) of yours could be a blessing to the poor (poor in money and/or poor in spirit) around you?
Is there an area of your home that needs your attention to prepare for a future season?
Do you need to let go of guilt felt for not using an old skill that isn’t particularly useful right now?
Is this a season where you can be amping up your skills, or is this a season where you can actually use your skills, to bless others and perhaps even bring some income? (But no guilt & no pressure! This means you, young mom who wants to tackle everything all at once!)

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Tagged personal growth, Proverbs 31, skills, talents

One of the unique qualities of our family is this:

WE’VE DONE TRANSITION.

A LOT.

In not-quite 14 years of marriage, we’ve lived in 13 primary residences, and in 8 temporary living situations (each 1-2 months). 5 of those residences were overseas, and almost all of those moves were with children.

A number of you have asked me to write about how we’ve stayed sane and content through so many changes, especially with children. So here’s my list:

21 WAYS TO HELP YOUR FAMILY THRIVE THROUGH TRANSITION

Keep sleep and nutritious food a top priority for everyone. I’ve tacked up sheets over windows, used Benadryl, left my husband at the airport gate with all the kids to run to a nearby restaurant to grab lunch, taken naps with babies in airports, and packed an entire backpack of food to keep these things going well. Do whatever you need to do to get good sleep & food for everyone. These two things will contribute MASSIVELY to good attitudes and flexibility.
That includes you. Don’t work on unpacking late into the night instead of sleeping. Sleep. If mama ain’t sane, ain’t nobody sane. Keep mama sane.
Consistently discipline your children. You will be tempted to let behavior things go, but some things are never OK, no matter if you’re in the midst of transition. Screaming at mommy, hitting, pitching a fit, kicking the back of an airplane seat… these things are never OK. Take the time to discipline well. You’ll be glad you did.
Forgive before it’s asked for. (This will happen a LOT.) You will be happier, and avoid unnecessary bitterness, by generously forgiving your family. Your nerves are all high. Everyone’s tired. Everyone’s operating on less than a full tank. Forgive.
Ask forgiveness anytime there’s a hint you might need to. (You will be asking a LOT.) You’ll snap, be grumpy, lose your patience, whatever… what a great opportunity to exhibit humility and repentance to your children!
Start a “God list.” Write out the ways you see God at work (big and small!) and keep the list in front of your face.
Let non-eternal things be small. Dirty or broken dishes are still just dishes. Don’t scream over them. A spilled Sprite on the flight is frustrating, but it’s not the end of the world. Let it roll off your back.
Hold “normal” loosely. Don’t make an idol out of how things used to be, or how things “should” be.
Find a “new normal” as soon as possible, even if that “normal” shifts every few days or weeks at first. The neighborhood park you visit everyday for the first week may be one you rarely visit after you’ve lived there for a year. That’s OK. The sunshine and stress relief may be just the right thing for the early feeling of “normal.”
Say “yes” to opportunities for exploration. Keeping sleep and food as the top priority, take opportunities to explore new places & get to know new people.
Say “no” to new commitments. Don’t make any long-term promises aside from those dictated by necessity (job, keep schooling going, etc.).
Don’t go overboard on this one, but allow yourself & your crew to enjoy treats. (But keep sugar levels in mind for little ones… choose filling foods over sweets, and long-term satisfaction over quick-carbs).
Snuggle a lot. That goes for hugs. Kisses. Zurburts. Giggles. Hand-holding while you walk. Et cetera.
Use electronics judiciously. That is, if you use TV/electronics, be intentional about it. Some people may enjoy “zoning out” a little, but don’t let electronics be what makes you/your kids/your family “get through” this time of transition. Use devices on purpose, and turn devices off on purpose.
Express gratitude to God regularly. Over dinner, or on the bus ride, or while waiting for the plane, have everyone in the family list one or more things they’re thankful for. God is always at work, always pouring out His mercy on us; be sure to look for His activity!
Talk, talk, talk about EXPECTATIONS. Setting realistic (or even, ever-so-slightly pessimistic expectations) is a great way to set your family up for enjoyable travel and adjustment to new things. “We’ll be on the airplane for a whole day, from breakfast past bedtime! We’ll take a nap and want to get up and walk around but we won’t be able to.” — “Remember the bus windows are dirty; I don’t want you to touch them.” — “We’ll get to the hotel and figure out a spot where you can take a nap right away. You’ll lay down and go to sleep just like you do at home.” — “Everyone will be tired when we get into the taxi, but we won’t fuss or grump. It won’t be long until we get there.” Et cetera.
Ask good questions. Help your family verbally process through the transition. “What do you think of our new apartment?” — “Did you have fun riding the airport shuttle?” — “What was your favorite part of living in Texas?” — “What’s one thing you miss most from our old home?” — “What’s one thing you enjoy most about our new home?” Et cetera.
Talk about the adventure of life God has you in during this season. Not every season includes opportunities to see new things, meet new friends, etc., so take this chance to purposefully frame this as part of the adventure God custom-designed for your family.
Thoughtfully share what you’re feeling, but don’t complain and grump. Your children will (largely) mirror your attitude about the changes you’re facing. It helps your children to hear your favorite things in the new place, or about the people you miss from the old home. Be judicious, though. Don’t focus on criticism or complaints; but it’s OK to share genuine difficulties you’re facing (“I sure miss Nana.” — “It’s hard not being able to go outside because of the snow, isn’t it?). The older the kids are, the more openness and transparency (hard things) they are capable of hearing. This is a chance for you to model the kind of healthy, God-honoring attitude in the midst of transition that you desire for them to have as they face challenges in life.
PRAY. Express yourself openly to God. Even if it’s one-sentence expressions, keep talking to God. “I’m tired. Help me,” may be all you can muster, but it’s enough, and it keeps your soul turning to the One who can truly help you through the transition.
Remember, “It won’t always be this way.” It truly won’t. A new normal will come. Give yourself grace. Press on. Don’t be discouraged by crummy days. They come to us all. Do what you can do and keep plodding along.

If you’ve got more ideas for thriving through transition, especially to help children adjust well, PLEASE ADD THEM IN THE COMMENTS!

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Tagged Moving, parenting, transition, travel

“She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.”Proverbs 31:20

VERSE 20: “SHE OPENS HER HAND TO THE POOR AND REACHES OUT HER HANDS TO THE NEEDY.”

The woman described in Proverbs 31 is a giver.

You know the term close-fisted? When it says “she opens her hand,” here in Proverbs 31:20, it’s the exact opposite imagery from a person who is “close-fisted.” The things that are in her hands (and remember the other verses we’ve discussed? Her hands are full and fruitful.) are openly held, available, free to be given to the poor.

One of my prayers for our family is that we would hold things loosely. Things are just *things.* But people? God means for us to be open to people. Things should always be subservient to people. While we are to be good stewards with the things God gives us, when we start valuing possessions over people, I believe we’ve moved into sin.

Is your hand open to the poor?
Are you willing to sacrificially give from what you have?
Do you value giving to people who need it, over keeping the stuff that you have?

It doesn’t stop there though. Her hands aren’t just “open” to the poor; she actually “reaches out” to the needy. Those who are needy don’t have to come and find her and articulate their needs with perfect clarity. Her heart is for them. Her arms are reaching out toward them.

She actually reaches out, in the midst of her own busy goings-on, to help others. It’s not that she has no needs, or that she’s arrived. No, we all know (or we should!) that that season of ease and perfection never comes. This is a woman who is able to look beyond herself and focus on others. She is not rendered useless to others by an unhealthy focus on her own problems. Instead, by involving herself in the hurts and needs of others, her own issues come into perspective.

The wounds of her heart, and the demands on her schedule, no longer eclipse the real-life problems of others.

I can think of a number of godly women I know who do this. They bring meals to the sick. They helped me pack up our home in Texas. They freely offer their prayers and encouragement. They give of themselves. Their time, their money, their home, their belongings, are open to serving others. It’s not that they themselves have no problems; it’s that they truly care about others and reach out to help those who are in need.

Do you reach out to help others?
Is your eye tuned toward your own hurts or toward those who are hurting and needy around you?
Are you committed to caring for the wounded parts of your local church Body?

CONSIDER:

Are your hands “open to the poor,” or are you close-fisted with your possessions?
Do you willingly reach out to find and give to those who are in need?

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Tagged Generosity, giving, open hands, open heart, Proverbs 31

“She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. . . . She makes linen garments and sells them;

she delivers sashes to the merchant.”

Proverbs 31: 16-18, 24

As we discuss this passage, keep in mind that it is a big-picture view of a praiseworthy woman’s heart and life. Her husband is looking at the blessing she’s been over their lives. So while this passage is not prescriptive for us, it is describing a praiseworthy woman of God, and therefore, merits our respect and study.

VERSE 16: SHE CONSIDERS A FIELD AND BUYS IT; WITH THE FRUIT OF HER HANDS SHE PLANTS A VINEYARD.

Her prudence and resourcefulness is highlighted here. She “considers” the field. She’s not out doing “retail therapy,” buying things just to buy them. This gal’s goal is fruitfulness. Life. Benefit. After considering the field carefully, she buys it.

And with “the fruit of her hands,” which probably refers to the earnings from the things she had hand-made (remember her willing hands?), she’s able to plant a vineyard. No one plants a vineyard today, and enjoys grape jelly tomorrow. This act of planting is an investment. Her eye is toward fruitfulness, life, and what will have long-term benefit.

She is not just looking to today– today’s outfit, today’s meal, today’s problems. She is planning for the future, planting fruit that will not be eaten in a short amount of time. Her eyes range over the short- and long-term of life, and her hands and resources and mental acumen are all devoted to what will be fruitful in the long haul.

She’s also not letting her resources sit without usefulness. She buys the field, and then plants the vineyard, so that the fruit can be enjoyed sooner than if she waited.

She views her life as an investor, rather than as a consumer.

In your planning and work in your home, are you diligent to consider the long-term effects of your attitudes and actions? What is the likely outcome of the choices you are currently making? Are you prodding your family Godward, or toward a focus on sports, appearance, money, fame, and/or pleasure? In your parenting, the meals you serve, the way you talk to your husband, the commitments you make as a family, what fruit can you anticipate? Do you have a consumer mindset, or an investment mindset?

VERSE 17: SHE DRESSES HERSELF WITH STRENGTH AND MAKES HER ARMS STRONG.

This woman’s no weenie. She’s not at home because she can’t do anything else, and isn’t focused on her family because she’s an intellectual imbecile. No- she is strong and capable. Notice: she “makes her arms strong.”

This is something she works at. She increases in strength and capability, on purpose.

Are you growing in strength? Increasing in your ability to wisely parent your children? Pursuing a stronger marriage? Are you growing in your strength as a woman? How is your physical stamina? Are you pursuing strength and health so that you can continue being a blessing to your family?

VERSE 24: SHE MAKES LINEN GARMENTS AND SELLS THEM; SHE DELIVERS SASHES TO THE MERCHANT.

This is the “fruit of her hands” that verses 13, 16, and 31 refer to. She’s perpetually blessing her family and working at producing things that are valuable to others. She is not focused on “me-time.” Her skills are not used for self-gain (although the passage clearly shows that she benefits from using them). Her skills bless others. They are willing to pay for the items she produces, and she makes a profit.

Her hard work eventually pays off, in wisdom, growth, but also in financial provision for her family.

Are you diligent to do what will bless your family? Do you actively seek to grow in skill and ability? Are you using your God-given skills to provide value and benefit to others?

CONSIDER:

What is one area where you have neglected the long-term view for your own short-term ease? How can you correct that today?
Is there an area in your daily life where you need to grow stronger, so that you are more capable to meet the demands on you?
Not every woman has access to learn and do every skill, but look at your real life. What skills has God given you? And what skills could you reasonably seek growth in over this next season of life?

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