December 2013 – Page 2 of 2 – Jess Connell

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In the outset, I need to admit that I’ve never read a Janet Evanovich novel. I gather that they are somewhat-steamy romantic books with fun-loving, self-deprecating main characters who are always in a lovable bind. I’m not a romance book reader, and actually have serious concerns/disagreements with the way these books are written, and the way they often lead to unrealistic, physically-founded male-female relationships rather than promoting whole (spiritual, mental, emotional, physical) and God-honoring relationships between a man and woman.

However, when I came across her tome on writing at Half Price Books, How I Write: Secrets of a Bestselling Author, I knew I needed to get it and read it. As with people I encounter in real life, no one is “out of bounds” as a person that I can learn from (whether that is what TO do/be, or what NOT to do/be).

Janet Evanovich is a delightful and inspirational person who has written fiction that resonates and continually draws humans to read, so despite the fact that she writes in a genre I eschew (and do not desire to emulate), the general disciplines and attitude she brings to writing are valuable and worthy for examination and learning. Her tips on character and plot development, editing and refining, and pursuing publication are encouraging and honest. I highly recommend the book.

Let me share a few things I loved:

It is immensely READABLE. This is not professorial, heady language; you will not struggle to stay awake. She writes like you would expect her to speak to you over a nice dinner. Evanovich offers specific answers and good writing advice, but delivers it with wit and cheer.
She EFFICIENTLY offers advice. She answers the questions, but does not shilly-shally about, or belabor her points.
Examples are given to lend CREDIBILITY to her advice. Her book is thoughtfully peppered with passages from her books in order to display how to write a memorable character, how to up the ante when writing a tense scene, how to braid together backstory and plot advancement in a clever dialogue. She also offers helpful, detailed visual aids for query letters and standard manuscript formatting.
Evanovich is TRUTHFUL. While she offers plenty of encouragement TO write, this is no pie-in-the-sky “you can do it” motivational speech. She shares about her ten years of rejection letters, and continually points back to a “sit down and start typing” approach to getting the job done.

“When people ask what you do, tell them you’re a writer. Put yourself on the line.”
“All writers are people watchers. If you want characters that ring true, take a really close look at the people around you… then let your imagination run wild.”
“Nothing is more tedious than reading a story where every character uses identical speech patterns.
“I don’t get writers block because I don’t believe in it. I believe you sit in front of the computer and force your fingers to get something on the screen.”
“I construct a small outline before I begin, but the book comes alive as I’m writing, and I generate ideas as I go. I know where the story will go and how it will end, but the details happen as I write.”
“Lots of times I’m not crazy about the writing, but I keep moving ahead and somehow it gets better. The important thing is to move forward.”
“I like knowing that I have a day ahead of me and at the end of that day I will have created something that did not exist that morning.”

If you’re a writer, or a writer-wanna-be, you’ll want to buy her book. It’s an excellent source of wit and wisdom from a bestselling author who has done it, and is doing it, day in, day out.

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Last week, I wrote about how I stop tantrums lickety-split.

And, make no mistake, I’m an advocate for parental authority and consistent discipline:

But it made me think– I am coming at these things from a perspective of having GREAT AFFECTION FOR my children, and lavishing GREAT AFFECTION ON my children every day. And, sadly, I am quite certain that not everyone nowadays knows what that looks like.

This greatly affects how parenting advice plays out in the life of a family. Consistent, biblical parenting is meant to be carried out in the context of a loving, affectionate relationship.

PRACTICAL WAYS TO SHOW LOVE TO YOUR CHILDREN

So let me share some of the *regular* forms of affection I share with my children (currently ages 11, 9, 7, 5, 3, and 8 months). Most of these are daily, a few might be once/week-type actions or activities:

I tell them “good morning” every day, usually with a simple touch to the arm, or while smiling at them and cupping their chin with my hand.
We snuggle on the couch together, usually with the child tucked into the crook of my arm.
I pat their arm or give them a side hug while we talk.
They tell me their jokes. Even if the joke doesn’t make sense (which, they mostly *don’t* with kids about 7-8 and under), I smile and affirm their efforts.
I look them in the eyes and give them my full attention when they speak to me.
I try to smile big whenever I see them. This happens tons and tons of times a day.
We talk about what is going on in their lives– big and small. (They show me Lego creations or drawings; I draw out deeper things from my roughly 7 and older crew when I sense that there are undercurrents of feeling left out, discouraged about something in particular, etc.)
I get down on the floor and wrestle & play with them, intermingling snuggles, wrestling, hugs, kisses, and laughter. I play knee bouncy games with the 7 and under crew, where they bounce on my raised legs, or where I even lift them up, cheerleader style, so they’re standing on my hands (when they get older it’s just too much for my hands and knees).
We share meals together where I sit down with them and we pray, talk, memorize Scripture together, laugh, comment about how cute their little brother is, etc.
One or two of them might meander into my bedroom for a snuggle first thing in the morning before we get up, bleary-eyed.
I shower them with kisses. This decreases in frequency as they get older.
I hug them often. This does not decrease in frequency.
We laugh together.
I tickle them and they ask for more tickles. (I always stop if they ask me to “stop,” and they all love to be tickled. Theo even signed “more” when we would stop tickling him as a baby. I *think* this is because they know I will not exceed their boundaries in this area. They can always say “stop” and I will, immediately.)
I zuburt them, and they ask for more zuburts. (After finding that link, I realize that I’ve been mispronouncing it– and misspelling it– all these years. Oh well.)
I rub their backs or give neck/leg massages when they seem sore/tight/achy, or are having growing pains.
I ask them questions like, “Do you know how special you are to me?” and “Do you know you’re my favorite 9-year-old in the whole wide world?“
I respond to their requests to color/build blocks/design a train track/do doll hair *sometimes*. I am not primarily their playmate, but I am willing to play, from time to time, because I love them and want to spend time with them when I am free to do it.
They cook with me and I tell them they’re doing a good job.
We take walks together and hold hands.
We dance silly together to fun music like LeCrae.
I tell them “I love you” often.
I hug and scratch their backs.
We swim and play together outside. (Occasionally I even join them on the trampoline.)
I sometimes reach and hold their hand if I am in the front passenger seat and they are in a car seat, or when we are on the couch.
For little babies: I keep them close in slings, sometimes. I kiss their toes, their nose, etc. We play little games where I list out all their body parts, pointing to each one and saying that God made it.
I listen to them. Even when it’s stuff I’m not necessarily interested in (though this has it’s limits. Sometimes mom has a migraine, or is cooking and focused on following a recipe, or needs quiet afternoon time, or whatever. I am not advocating for boundary-less living, but self-sacrificial love will sometimes mean listening to an extensive description of a WWII battle tank, a silly rendition of a favorite song, or how our daughter just made up a nonsensical story with her My Little Ponies).
I talk to them. We talk about politics, what bill I’m paying and how much it is this month, why I chose to spray paint my writing desk yellow, ideas for how to build a chicken coop, reasons why we opt out of certain things in order to spend more time together as a family, etc.
We opt to take one or more children with us when we have an errand to run, even when we don’t “have to.”
We use LOTS of pet names (little squish, sweet potato, doodle, punkin pie, baby man, noodle baby, stinker pie, squishy-ba-dishy, little man-man, snuggle-buggle, precious baby girl, etc.).
As they get older (more toward 7-11+), I ask them their opinions about things... we talk about life and the implications of different decisions and I affirm whenever they display any amount of wisdom or insight.
I read books to them aloud (yes, even to my oldest son who in youth group).
We hug and kiss them goodnight, every night.
We sing songs together, especially at bedtime. (Their favorite, most-requested is “Amazing Grace.”)
I pray for them, out loud at bedtime, whenever I put them to bed. (Admittedly, bedtime is normally a daddy-duty around here, but whenever I put them to bed, I pray aloud for them.) For all of the children, I pray that they will sleep well, sleep all night, and be refreshed and ready for a new day the next morning. If anyone has been struggling with fear or night-wakings, I thank God that He tells us “Do not be afraid, for I am with you.” I verbalize, “When I am afraid, I will trust in You,” and ask that He would remove any fear and teach them to trust in Him. I pray for my sons that they will grow up to be honest, honorable, hard-working men who protect the women and children God puts in their lives. I pray that they will prize Scripture and become more like Jesus every day. I pray that they will be kind to one another, patient with their sister, and become servant-hearted men like their daddy. For my daughter, I pray that she will grow to be a woman who loves Jesus and knows Scripture. I pray that she will be a kind-hearted woman who uses her words to encourage and build up others. I pray that she will be a blessing to her brothers.

This is something that is important to understand… as Christian parents, we are not pursuing the robotic subjection of our children. We are not dictators, and they are not cowering subjects. We are pursuing a loving, affectionate relationship with them, as we train them to obey, coach them through life, teach them what’s right, and help them walk in the way they should go.

LOVING them with GREAT AFFECTION allows us to discipline them with great consistency and confidence, and enjoy life alongside them within the context of a joyful family.

Image courtesy of: StockImages/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Discontentment and comparison often accompany one another.

Comparison will always kill joy, whether it’s comparing UP or comparing DOWN.

COMPARING UP?

It is interesting to consider that when we compare, if our hearts are yearning for self-pity, we compare up.

If it’s about our home, we compare ourselves to the gal at church or the rich cousin with the nicer home. We don’t compare ourselves to the poor women at church who just got evicted from her apartment because her husband lost his job. Nor do we, in that moment, compare ourselves to the woman whose situation is slightly worse off (financially speaking).

If it’s about our appearance, we compare ourselves to the woman who can afford nice things, the one who gets regular mani/pedis, the one who buys department store makeup and has a gym membership. We don’t compare ourselves to the woman who has an even *TIGHTER* budget than our own.

OR COMPARING DOWN?

And when we compare, if our hearts are yearning for pride and self-worth, we compare down.

If it’s about our home, we compare ourselves with the woman who hasn’t a clue about decorating, or the one whose house is a pigsty. When our soul’s goal is pride, we don’t compare ourselves to the woman with slightly more organizational know-how or design flair than we possess, or to the woman who has a better knack for putting colors and fabrics together.

If it’s about our appearance, we compare ourselves to the haggard woman, the one with frumpy out-of-date clothes, or the one who is overweight and out of shape.

No matter which way it goes, comparison is ugly, tempting us to compare ourselves to the rich and beautiful for self-pity, or to the poor and ugly for a sense of superiority, never the opposite.

And I’m not encouraging any of us to make the opposite comparisons, necessarily.

For the most part, I think we should avoid comparisons, although, very occasionally, comparisons can be helpful (i.e., Last summer, when a friend received heartbreaking news, it put my own woes and temporary grumps and gripes in perspective of her great loss, and gave me good perspective. Her hurts silenced my complaints.).

Mostly, though, I think we should opt to dropkick the comparisons to the curb, and feed our minds with truth.

DON’T COMPARE, CONSIDER

Instead of comparing, the Bible encourages us to “consider” certain things–

“Fear the LORD and serve him… consider what great things He has done for you.” ~1 Samuel 12:24
“Stop and consider the wondrous works of God.” ~Job 37:14
“Blessed is the one who considers the poor! In the day of trouble, the LORD delivers him.” ~Psalm 41:1
“Whoever is wise… let him consider the steadfast love of the LORD.” ~Psalm 107:43
“Look at the ant, o sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise.” ~Proverbs 6:6
“In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other.” ~Ecclesiastes 7:14
“Why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.” ~Matthew 6:28-29
“Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!” ~Luke 12:24
“You must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.” ~Romans 6:11
“I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing to the glory that is to be revealed to us.” ~Romans 8:18
“Consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world… so that no human being might boast in the presence of God” ~1 Corinthians 1:26
“Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, but encouraging one another.” ~Hebrews 10:24-25
“[Look] to Jesus, …who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.” ~Hebrews 12:2-3
“Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith.” ~Hebrews 13:7

When we keep scripture as our standard, rather than people, our perspective changes.

We begin to consider all the things God has done for us… all the things He has done, period. We consider ourselves in light of eternity, and consider ourselves in light of the vast universe He holds and cares for each day. We get a vision for life that is bigger than ourselves and our comparisons.

Look to what GOD tells you to focus on, rather than what Facebook, magazines, Pinterest, and even your own deceitful heart, tell you to focus on.

Comparison kills; considering Scripture gives life.

Chickens image courtesy of bplanet/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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It can be easy, as a stay at home mom, to forget the significance of what you are doing.

In our modern busy-busy-busy, degreed, careered, materialistic, overcommitted society, it is easy to devalue the perfect normalcy of the simple everyday routine, and how that will sear warmth and joy and security into our children’s souls.

For example, studies continually show that sit-down meals as a family echo out for decades into a child’s future. That one action affects things like a child’s performance in school, likelihood to try drugs, and future obesity levels. The family dinner, that used to be a given in virtually every home, is now almost a radical act of cultural disobedience.

We are incomparably blessed as mothers.

There is no role in society like ours.

I am fairly confident that I could rival any supermodel in the amounts of flowers I’ve been given (if dandelions count), the number of smiles I’ve gotten, the number of times someone has clamored for my attention, and the number of compliments I’ve been given in my life. On the rare day when I wear a necklace to church, I’ll hear–multiple times over– some variation of: “I wike yo pitty neck-us mommy.”

Truly, it is a rich blessing to have precious uniquely-built souls looking to you, smiling at you, reaching out arms to you, with little hearts eager for your notice of their latest accomplishment. Each child watches and learn from mom about the world– and each child offers love with such open, tenderhearted affection.

Eternal significance oozes out of the pores of the pregnant mother.

Until this last century, every single human being knew it, and reverenced it.

As the pregnant woman nurtures a new life, she is brought near to the Creator– the giver of souls– and she watches as His creativity is revealed yet again right before her eyes:

The miraculous first hours of wonder, awe, fear, and reverence with a new baby roll over into
Sleepless nights, which roll over into
A new normal as a family, which rolls over into
Getting to know a new little blossoming personality, which rolls over into
Following this little wandering soul around your house 24/7 because they’re too little to really understand words and rules and no-nos, but just big enough to be curious about everything and just risky enough to try to find out, which rolls over into
Defiance and determination the likes of which you’re convinced the world has never seen, which rolls over into
Figuring out house norms and rules together as parents and child, which rolls over into
Repetitive daily life.

And it’s that last one that really seeps into all of the others.

It’s that last one– repetitive daily life– that can cause some mothers to think, “this is dull/unimportant/insignificant.”

It is easy to believe lies about what is significant.

We all want to believe that what we are doing is weighty.

We are bombarded by worshipful images and messages that communicate that career-minded workaholic women are to be admired. Society repetitively communicates to us that “me-time“, mani/pedis, perfect hair, and dream-chasing are where joy, dignity, and value will be found.

(Psst. Even though you may not have seen an example of the kind of mother your child needs for you to be, you are utterly irreplaceable in the life of your child. You are one of a kind, and God has uniquely fitted you for the position He’s put you in as a mother. What’s more, this is the one crack at life that you– and your child– get.)

Last night I went out to finish up the project that has taken up my extra time for weeks– the one where I bit off more than I can chew and yet here I am, still chewing, and miraculously it’s coming along like I hoped it would– building the chicken coop.

I walked out to the workshop alone, and brought my phone and earbuds so I could listen to a sermon and have a little down time.

But almost immediately after I walked into the workshop, I heard the door open and close behind me.

Baxter (my 9-year-old) asked if he could help build the coop. So moments later, we were nailing reclaimed boards up for siding on my blueprint-less chicken coop when he said, “it’s amazing that you can just think up and do something like this, ya know?”

(While I’d like to let his comment hang in ambiguity so that you all would think he was saying that about me, I should clarify that he was saying this about the universal “you,” as in, “it’s amazing that a person can just think up and do something like this.”)

So then Baxter and I shared an inspiring-to-me exchange about how God has made us humans creative, like Him, and how incredible it is– the things we can accomplish, when we put our minds to it. I told him how excited I was to see what God would give him to think up and do in his lifetime.

Those moments just happen. And we can’t script them.

They are the overflow. Special moments of encouragement, conversation, and soul-building are what happens as time marches on and the little days with infants roll over into exhausting days spent training toddlers to be pleasant and abide by rules, which roll over into enjoyable days spent with older children.

The truth about quality time… and I hesitate ever-so-slightly to say it because I wish you could hear my heart in it… but the truth about quality time is this:

Quality time is a myth made up by busy people.

Quality time is experienced in the unexpected moments that crop up during quantity time.

And we instinctively know this to be true, because we experience it in our other relationships and areas of life.

When we have a mad-dash crammed-full-of-relatives holiday, we don’t feel that we’ve suddenly gotten to know their hearts and seen a glimpse of their souls. We’ve gotten a quick-and-dirty update. We’ve seen their pretty, cleaned-up-like-it-won’t-be-for-the-rest-of-the-year house, and they’ve seen us in our well-chosen outfit that hides our postpartum fat rolls as best we are able. We’ve all stuffed ourselves with food and information, and we go home full but not truly satiated.

We know it when we take a May-term class and get the “gist” of the class, but miss out on the regular interactions with a wise professor that shape our souls in unexpected and foundational ways. The 3-week quick version simply can not provide the same experience that a semester-long, week-in, week-out class provides.

A fast food meal, passed through a window, fills the belly, but does not in any way compare to a sit-down meal, cooked by the home or restaurant chef, accompanied by good conversation and time to laugh and relax.

When we finally meet “the one,” we ache to be together. One date every so often would not produce the kind of relationship that satisfies… no, sometimes it is difficult to even say goodbye at night (even when we know we’ll see each other early the next morning). We long to KNOW and be KNOWN… our souls long to connect with another human being in intimate, satisfying, mutually beneficial, secure ways.

What have you experienced in your family? What do you think about the quality/quantity time dichotomy?

Hourglass image by Salvatore Vuoto/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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“One day, I’d like to write a novel.” Millions of people have likely spoken those words (whether out loud or in their own heads). And yet, few accomplish it.

If you’ve got “write a novel” on your bucket list, but haven’t ever done it, NaNoWriMo– National Novel Writing Month— in November of each year is an opportunity for you to change that. It’s a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants global event with the goal of writing a 50,000 (or more) word novel in 30 days or less (by the end of November).

“But I’m a lowly/ tired/ overworked/ underpaid/ busy/ overwhelmed/ barely-keeping-it-together stay-at-home-mom,” you might say. Maybe you’re the mom of toddlers. Maybe you’re a homeschool mom. Perhaps you have multiple preschoolers clamoring for your attention (phrases like “color with me” and “help me go potty, mommy” fill your days).

All of these are truly challenging, you’ll get no argument from me about that. I’ve been in each of those scenarios, multiple times over, and– trust me– I get it.

(1) If you have a newborn, please don’t think I’m aiming this at you. Snuggle in and nurse your newborn and take in these irreplaceable moments, and don’t feel the least bit guilty for resting and bonding and sleeping and barely-keeping-your-head-above-water for as long as you need to.

(2) If you’re not a writer— and by that I mean something akin to this quote by Sylvia Plath, “I write only because there is a voice within me that will not be still”– there is no shame in just being who you are and not taking on extra commitments and guilt for something that’s not how God created you to be. Please don’t think I’m aiming this at you.

(3) If this isn’t the right season of life for you to participate (and only you can be the judge of this– I passed by a half dozen years of NaNoWriMo before the time came for me to participate), please don’t take on a lick of guilt. Pass right on by this article and seriously, don’t make this part of the cacophany of voices making you feel guilty for not doing or being enough.

To all of you, I say: Go in peace.

To the stay-at-home mom who has been bursting to get a story out onto paper, the woman who used to write but hasn’t lately and feels the loss of it, the gal who wonders if she can do it, the girl who loves a good gauntlet thrown down and feels the adrenaline rushing the minute there’s a goal to achieve… whoever you are, and whatever your reasons are for participating, you may be wondering, Can I really do it?

While some people use NaNoWriMo to propel them forward in their short story or poetic writings, the main thrust of NaNoWriMo is novel writing (thus the “No”– standing for novel).

Never written a novel before?

Neither had I. Until NaNoWriMo 2012. With 5 kids in tow (and our 6th in utero), I jumped in with both feet, wrote like crazy, and got to 53,000 words in the month of November.

But (in Cat-In-the-Hat phrasing), that wasn’t all, oh no, that wasn’t all.

Because I was a NaNoWriMo finalist (meaning, I reached that 50,000 word goal), I earned the right to receive 5 professionally-printed copies of my novel from CreateSpace (an incredible prize!). But though I’d written 50,000+ words, I hadn’t actually *FINISHED* my novel. So in June 2013, I took time to finish up my novel (bringing it near 75,000 words) and then ordered my printed copies.

What a wonderful prize!

And even though I knew they were coming, it was utterly delightful, and overwhelming, to hold a copy of my novel. I couldn’t stop smiling. I’d done it. What’s more, I knew I wanted to do it again.

In 2013, I did it again. Despite a computer crash, ER-level migraines that kept me from writing for 5 days, my husband losing his job, and having to move out of our home because of water damage, I made it JUST past the 50,000 mark on the afternoon of November 30th, 2013. I can’t wait to hold this one in my hands too!

So, my advice to you this: WRITE. YOUR. NOVEL. It’s the one only you can write.

Here’s a list of ideas specifically crafted for the busy stay-at-home-mom to participate in NaNoWriMo:

Wake up an hour or two (or even three) before the kids wake up. Write like the dickens, or write like Dickens. Either way works.
Write while they eat. Choose & prepare easy things for you (power bars, salads prepped the night before that you can just pull from a plastic tupperware in the fridge) so that while the kids are eating, you can use that 20-40 minute time slot to write like mad.
Write while they nap. If your kids don’t nap, implement a one or two hour quiet time each day where looking at/reading books or quiet drawing/coloring are the only options. They’ll be the better for it, and your novel will be the better for it.
Write while they play. Set them up with toys near you (within 5-10 feet of you) each on a separate blanket, or in a separate spot, and let them play with one toy set at a time. You could even set a timer, where they can trade out to a new set every 20 minutes or so. Then, write as much as you can while they play independently.
Write while they run around in the backyard or at the park. Let them run out their craziness while you write seated nearby. If you’re at the park, you’ll only want to do this if you’re the only one at the park at that particular time, but in your backyard, shut the fence and let them run like wild banshees while you crank out a few scenes.
Write after they go to bed. Get them in bed by 8. Even the sleepiest among us can afford to stay up until 10 to get in two hours of writing. Or, you could stay up until 1 or 2 and get a crazy-huge amount of writing in.
Write once your husband gets home from work. Assuming he’s on board with this thing, ask him to pitch in extra during this one month a year and take over for you once he gets home. You hop on back to your bed and write like mad.
Write while they read/color/listen to audiobook/watch a movie. I’m loathe to suggest that last option. TV-watching/movie is not something you want to make a habit of, and yes, I realize I’m talking to moms living in a crazy screen-addicted nation. Nonethless, NaNoWriMo may be a good reason to allow a little extra TV viewing. (And there are EXCELLENT programs like The Magic School Bus, National Geographic videos about animals, MathTacular!, and Liberty’s Kids that would actually be beneficial.)

Of course, I just gave you a slew of ideas. Here’s a few more:

Seated on a stool at the kitchen counter.
At the dining table while the family eats.
On your couch while they play around you.
Propped up in your bed while your husband snores.
At your local coffee shop (although this is too distracting for me, some people find it productive)
While you take one kid to play rehearsal/music lesson/sports practice

This one usually pertains to, “I’m so busy”, “the kids are so wild”, “the house will be a wreck”, “what will we eat?” sort of reasons.

Let the house go to pot. Yes, this is particular meant for you, house-cleaning-nazi mom (this would not be me). For you, you have permission to let the house go a little haywire for a month. It could mean the difference between holding a lovely printed copy of your novel in your own hands, and not.
CUT BACK on things that will make more work for you. Let the kids wear pajamas all day to cut back on laundry. Use paper plates. For the month of November, don’t buy the granola bars that have the little bits of oats that the kids inevitably spill all over the floor. Structure your life with more intentional simplicity this month.
CONVENIENCE FOOD. This doesn’t have to mean no nutrition, mind you. But your food choices need to be faster and more leftover-friendly this month. Consider meals like: a big pot of soup that can last for 2-3 meals, frozen pizza stashed away to use in a pinch, salad & fixings that can be prepped all at once and left in the fridge to grab and use for the next 3-5 days, etc.
STOP the Candy-crushing. STOP the Pinning. STOP the mindless habitual Facebook browsing. STOP the blog-hopping. Cut out the unnecessary and unhelpful. Don’t even go there. Exercise a massive amount of self-discipline and don’t even go there. OR, set a daily goal with these things as your “carrot” for reaching the goal (i.e., “Every time I reach an increment of 5,000 in my word count, I can browse Pinterest for an hour.”).
STOP using the internet function on your computer. This is another means of disciplined self-control. You can turn off your wi-fi or just not open your web browser. It only takes a few days for your habits to shift & you’ll be off and writing!
Get your spouse on board. You’ll get so much more accomplished if they agree that this is a fruitful use of your extra time for the month of November, and agree to help out more than normal. Ask for their support in not griping about the house going to pot and the meals being less fancy, and perhaps even for some full-time solo parenting while you write in solitude.
If you’re a homeschool mom, consider not schooling for the month of November, or at least doing less schooling. Perhaps you’re in a state that requires you to do it. Fine, no problem– get after it! And write at other times. Or, assign work they can do independently, and take a break from read-alouds with mom during this month. Older students can join you in the Young Writer’s Program of NaNoWriMo as part of their writing/language subject matter. Last year, I started schooling in July so taking a break in November was no big deal. There were still days when they asked to do it, and so I went ahead and put together their work so that they could be productive in school while I was productively writing. But at least consider how you can creatively shift their schooling around to allow for your writing to be most productive.
Keep your Thanksgiving plans in a tight box. It doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate, but don’t let it consume days and days and days of your time. If it’s important to you, treat it like a weekend “off”: set aside a day to cook, and a day to celebrate, but then GET BACK to writing.
Jump on my NaNoWriMo Pinterest board, get yourself a quick visual peptalk, and then get back to writing!
Set goals. Goals help you along. On the NaNoWriMo user dashboard, there’s a wonderful little bar chart that lets you visually track your progress toward the 50k wordcount goal. Use it. Set daily goals. “Before I go to sleep tonight, I’ll hit 6,000.” “I’m going to crank out two scenes before I go get groceries.” And set overarching goals. “I’m going to write 5 days a week and each day I’m going to write at least 2,000 words.” “If I fall behind one day, I’m going to work to get ahead the next day.” Goals will help you make forward progress, and ultimately make you a NaNoWriMo finalist.

I’m publishing this in time for you to clear your calendar, talk it over with your spouse, and ready yourself for a crazy-fun crazy-fast month of November.

WHY WRITE?

Write because you can’t NOT write.

Write because the story is inside you and keeps churning until it spills itself out on the page. Write because you have a perspective on life, the world, God, family, adventure, or love that only you can tell. Write because you have always said you would, and now’s your chance to try. Write because you are an interesting gal who takes risks and loves the challenge. Write because you need to.

Write for your own reasons.

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Sometimes when people long for the good old days, they’re remembering something that didn’t exist, fabricating entirely, or even just wistfully only recalling the good (but forgetting the accompanying bad).

But when it comes to the way children behave toward their parents and toward adults nowadays, there really is a significant differencebetween what the average mom puts up with today, and what would have been allowed 30, 60, 100 years ago. Whether it is sassiness, rudeness about a meal you just made for them, barging in on you while you’re going to the bathroom, or thoughtless comment about your post-partum belly, YOU, mama, are the one teaching them how to treat others.

And yes- YOU are an “other” in their life. Which means this:

Stay at home mom, YOU have to stick up for YOU.

Being sassy is not OK. You are their mom.
Being rude and ungrateful about a meal you’ve (or anyone else has) made is not OK. They are to be thankful for things done for them, and realize that having someone else cook for them is a gift. So yes, this means, you need to be the one to tell them they should say “thank you” for dinner, to you. It may seem counterintuitive, or like fishing for a compliment, but no– those are lies. You are teaching gratitude, kindness, and the value of work to your child.
“Please don’t ever walk in on someone going to the bathroom. Unless your hair is on fire, you can wait a moment while I finish going potty, and then ask me your question when I come out.”
A thoughtless comment about your post-partum belly is not intentionally hurtful, but it IS hurtful, and could be extremely hurtful if your child doesn’t learn from you not to say that, and they go and say that to another woman. So tell them. Not in an ugly way, but tell them. Let them know, “I know you’re just saying that, and you’re right, mom’s tummy is smushy right now, but you are never to say that to a woman who has just had a baby. It is hard work having a baby, and the woman’s body goes through a lot of changes. It’s much better to talk about how cute the baby is than to ever say something like that to a new mama, OK?” (Obviously, a 2 year old isn’t going to understand this very well. But older kids can learn this.)

Teach children how to treat YOU in the same way you would respond if they said or did those things to another human being.This is your job. Day in day out, you can teach your child what is normal, and acceptable, and appropriate for polite and pleasant interactions with other human beings. And the first place to start is often right under your nose… in the way they act toward you. NOT SURE WHAT’S RIGHT OR NOT? Perhaps you grew up in an unhealthy home, or you struggle to assess these things in daily life. If you’re not sure, consider these questions:

Would you let them treat a woman you greatly admire and respect (don’t jump over that description– picture her!) the way you just let them treat you?
If you were a missionary and they sat down to eat at a poor neighbor‘s table and reacted to that food the way they just reacted to the homemade meal you made, what would you do?
Would you let them talk to Bono, your pastor, the President, the bank manager, the Pope, your husband’s boss, or Princess Kate the way they just spoke to you?

If you’re still not sure, hook up with other godly Christian families and watch. Observe norms about how they allow their children to interact with adults. Listen to how their children speak to them. Ask questions. Lean in and learn.I know it can feel weird, at first, to stick up for yourself. You can trick yourself into thinking that it is selfish or not right. But in actuality, by teaching them how to treat you, you are teaching them much more than simply that. You are teaching them basic concepts of respect of others, and how they are to respond to authorities in their lives (which they will have, their entire lives, no matter how rich or famous or brilliant they grow to be).You can do this!Teach your children how to treat you, and stick up for yourself. Teach your children respect and gratitude, and you’ll be doing yourself and them a world of good.

Image Credit: stockimages/freedigitalphoto.net

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WELCOME to JessConnell.com! I am so excited to see you here!

With a change in my writing habits and goals, it was time for a change. Since 2006, I’ve written at makinghome.blogspot.com; many of you know me from that blog.

Now, I’m writing novels (Another Cup of Chai- 2012, and Canaan- 2013– this is the first in a series), currently seeking publishing, and continuing to write non-fiction in the form of blogs, devotionals, and non-fiction books.

The first non-fiction book I’ve written is there to your right, and I’m giving it away for FREE, as my gift to you. It’s called “ONE THING: My #1 Tip for New Moms.” Follow the instructions to download it; I pray it will be a blessing and encouragement to you. I would be honored if you would also pass it along to any pregnant, adoptive, or new mom friends!

Please poke around here– you’ll find blogposts (old and new), videos, and information about my books. Also, bookmark my site and add it to your RSS Feed, so you won’t miss a post. You can also come by regularly for more written and video content.

I’m excited to continue in my goal of intentionally pursuing growth as a Christian woman, here at JessConnell.com! Let’s “Grow On Purpose” together!

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maximios ⋅ Blog