by Jess Connell · February 6, 2015

Well, today’s the due date.

THE due date.

The DUE date.

But Luke is still inside, sticking his knobby knees out in alien movements that I feel with gasp-inducing clarity, and prying his little feet up into my ribs.

And I can’t wait to meet him.

Here’s one final “belly pic” for any curious people out there… taken at 39 weeks, 6 days. (This was taken about midnight… so I look exhausted because I was. And yes, I had an epsom salt bath already drawn… and have I told y’all about these awesome, cheery, amazingly-perfect cups? They are my favorites!!)

This time around, here’s what I notice different in my heart:

  1. I’m less willing to put myself through misery to try to make him come sooner. With previous babies, I’m pretty sure I’ve tried it all… walking non-stop, driving purposefully down bumpy roads, high-impact walking down the steep hills of Istanbul, castor oil–THREE times (don’t do it, mama! I’m convinced that unless your body is already on the cusp of labor, it will only lead to bathroom misery the likes of which you never want to know), having my membranes “stripped,” and plenty more. This time around, I’m just waiting. Several months ago, I chose a date that is far beyond my due date and tried to focus on that date. “I’ll be holding him, one way or another, by this date.” I think that decision has made TODAY, as the due date, less stressful. Less emotion-inducing. Less urgent. I went for a walk last night, but it wasn’t with the delusions or hopes I would have had with previous babies. I think I’ve finally come to a place of contentment. Babies really do come when they come. He will come. It’ll be at just the right time. God knows better than I do.
  2. I am not looking forward to labor. It’s never been a thrilling idea to me (although I did write this article about all the good things about labor), but I think I used to have more forgetfulness about the *pain* of it than I do now. I am under no illusions. I’ve had labors of (in order) 26, 8, 4, 3.5, 8.5, and 12-13 hours. I’ve gotten an epidural once, used pitocin 3x, used demerol & stadol, and experienced natural labor three times. And you know what? Labor hurts. And recovery takes time. And now, 7 times in, I remember with greater clarity than I used to… so I’m not looking forward to those things, honestly. BUT! It’ll be worth it… holding Luke, resting together, admiring his little perfect features, kissing his soft skin… it will all be amazing. This is just one of those moments in life when, as a woman, I wish Eve had made a different choice; that’s all.
  3. The important thing is SOOOOO not the things we talk about: weight, length, how long labor took, or the hair color. What I’m most looking forward to is his little PERSONALITY. What I can see now, 12.5 years into parenting, 7 babies later, is this: what changes my life about each one has nothing to do with eye color, or which parent they resemble. What changes my life is the way God uses them as individual little PEOPLE to shape my heart, challenge my character, and impact the world. So more than anything, this time around, I’m eager to see WHO HE WILL BECOME. To meet this little person who will challenge and change and sharpen me in ways that God knows only LUKE can do in my life.

Well, I had some good contractions last night, but then they stopped. And it’s only 10:30 am. So it’s possible he could still come “on his due date” (I’ve not had one be “on time” like that yet)… but even if not, I’m excited to meet him soon– this little life-changing person who God has made to thrill and challenge my heart in ways no one else could.

Have a good weekend! Hopefully I’ll have cute newborn pictures to share soon.

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Tags: About Jessbabylabor & deliveryReal life

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